Brainy-lack

When you are responsible for as many people as I am on a daily basis, it is imperative to be aware, dedicated and disciplined at all times, also known as A.D.D. ... oh wait that's not what A.D.D. stands for.

OK so I may not be the most focused mother, my children might have to keep me on track once in a while and sometimes I get a little distracted. As long as we don't pass too many mirrors, or go to a butterfly conservatory after school to do our homework, I am usually pretty focused.

I also do several headcounts throughout the day, which looks very silly because I often forget what number I am supposed to be counting up to, and sometime I call out other children's names that are not mine, which causes complete panic..."Mommy, who's Ashley? Are you having another baby" (That question ends with me passing out, and then needing a very tall drink)

Yesterday we just happened to be at a mirrored butterfly museum...kinda...it was actually a frozen yogurt shop that was colorful, delicious and put me in a comatose state.

Tuesdays and Thursdays are by far the craziest days of the week for us.  We are building a home almost an hour away from where we live now, and have enrolled the children in the school close to the new house.  I thought it would be a brilliant idea to also sign them up for cheerleading by the new house, which means that those two days we have a 4 hour gap between when the girls get out of school and when they have cheer practice.  I am pretty sure everyone in our new neighborhood thinks we either homeless or creepy lingerers.  We hang out where ever I can afford that day, restaurants, book stores, libraries, an occasional gas station...

Yesterday the kids "earned" yogurt...and I just happened to be craving it as well...win win.  My children love food, it is their kryptonite and they will sit like perfect angels while savoring every single bite.  While we were in the store a mom walked by, counted my children and said "You have 5 kids??" .. I was thinking a mean response like "WOW, you can Count??" but instead I smiled because damnit I was eating froyo!  She then complimented me on how well behaved they were.  After they finished their treat they did their homework, and watched some TV...I told you we linger...

I couldn't help but think "I have good kids..I am a GOOD mom!" I was high on my horse...staring at my little "perfects" as I like to refer to them to strangers.

After regaining feeling in my extremities from eating way too much "strawberry delight" I decided it was time to go. I do a headcount and notice one is missing...I see a child outside...unsupervised...shoving something in her pockets...

Must not be my kid...that kid just stole a pound of skittles from the topping bar and where the heck is her mother??

My legs go numb again...that's my kid.

I tell the children its time to leave and run outside, my son doesn't want to go and says "No, not yet!"...the others follow me.  I scold my rainbow-handed daughter all the way to to the car, until I hear "Ma'am!! Ma'am does HE belong to you"

I forgot my son inside...he has a look of disgust and is on the hip of another woman...

This has NEVER happened...I may get distracted but this was a new low. You don't realize how important the little things are...such as the "headcount"..until you fail miserably without it.  Yes my daughter deserved to be spoken to for her poor decision, however I was setting a horrible example by not being responsible myself.  I allowed her to distract me and the result could have been a lot worse than it was.

My daughter IS in big trouble for her actions, and my son wasn't (too badly) traumatized.   Hopefully this was a lesson learned for the entire family.

Point of my story...stay focused..stick to a plan, regardless of the "perfect" circumstances...and never eat so much froyo that it actually freezes your brain to the point of stupidity.

Hope you enjoyed the comedy that is my real life.   Check out my FB page, and please vote for my blog by clicking on the lady that says VOTE FOR ME.

Because I said so...that's WHY!

Children, mine specifically, have a knack for asking a lot of questions.  Young ones are curious and not afraid to ask about or attempt to solve the worlds problems.   Questions can be good, they expand their minds and spark new interests.

However, "Why??" after being told to do something, is neither cute or innocent.  

It is an ancient stall tactic and as a mother, I find it to be a form of torture.

At least once a day the dreaded "Why?" tricks me into answering.  

Me: Go get in the shower

Child: Why?

Me: because you are dirty and need to take a shower

Child: Why? I don't smell.

Me: (Smells child) well no, you don't smell...but you need to take a shower.

Child: Why?

Me: Ughhhhhhh....Because!

Just because,  that is always my answer.  I have no problem answering a question about homework, our family, something that they heard about or saw somewhere, anything really...except "why?".

"Why?" is only asked when they are told to do something, they don't actually want to know why...they just don't want to do that thing, whatever it may be.

Sometimes, I don't know "why?" and that simple question can confuse the hell out of me! I will have a plan mapped out for a smooth day and that 3 letter word will derail my good intentions.  I start to wonder myself "why?" Why do they need to pick up the playroom if they have already told me that they have full intentions of destroying it later, or have at least implied that, by saying "we are going to play in there later". Why do they need to eat more pizza before they have ice cream...that's just dumb.  

"Why?" questions my judgement, rattles my confidence and makes me think under pressure. Most of the time, "Why?" doesn't work, I know the reason and that's all that matters, but believe it or not, there have been situations that have made me wonder "why?" myself..  The truth is sometimes, not often, but there have been times, that my requests may not be exactly logical.  However, once the orders leave my mouth I cant put them back in, and it is pretty embarrassing to be outsmarted by your child. 

I should really just throw the "why?" back at them when they ask, my answer could just be "I don't know, why?"   The only problem with this...children also, have all the answers.

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I want my mommy...

A few weekends ago my mom came to visit, and it was magnificent! Being that I am my mothers only daughter, her and I have a special bond, another words, I am her favorite child.  OK maybe not, my mom is just an incredible woman that goes above and beyond for all of her children (or you could just listen to all the fun we had, and be the judge of  if she plays favorites or not...kidding brothers.). We talked, baked with the children, (she) did crafts with them (while I enjoyed an adult beverage), she sat in the sun with me for 7 hours, through 3 football games that the girls "cheered" aka jumped around at, we went to the museum (which took all day - she is a teacher, science is her crack) she even babysat so James and I could have a date night with friends, and my house was cleaner after she left.

While my mom was visiting, we stopped by the house that James and I are building and I showed her the guest room, which she joked about being her room.  I wished she wasn't joking.  If I could rewind and have been nicer to her during my EVIL years I would...(karma is a real B and I'm going to get it times 4 for the way I treated her) unfortunately I cant afford a time machine (yet), so I can only be ever so thankful for her now, and I AM.  

My mom is organized, patient, logical, creative, and all things that I suck at.  I often wonder where I came from.  I am not my mothers child, but I do appreciate her for pretending I am. She makes things seem easy, and she seems to enjoy helping me make better sense of my life by continuing to support me in so many ways.  

I try to call her as much as I can, but it doesn't compare to her being here with me.  Its funny how you cant wait to get away from your parents, "When I grow up" is all we think about, and then just when you think you wouldn't need them, you really do. 

As a mother of 4 girls I often wonder what they think about me, how they really feel about my constant nagging, over protective tendencies and embarrassing antics. Well the other day I found out how one of them feels, while flipping through videos that she had made on my Ipad, it was a series of 3 videos.  The first video she said "I am going to tell you about Alexis..." Oh no I thought, she used my first name, she hates me. She had to cut the video short because I had just yelled at her to get in the shower. The next video she was in her PJ's, with her wet hair wrapped in a towel, she said "Ok, now I cant wait to tell you about Alexis!" first thought that crossed my mind - SHE HAS DIRT ON ME...oh crap what does she know??.  She turned the camera off again to go brush her teeth.  I was nervous to watch the next video, could I really handle the truth? Do I WANT to know how she REALLY feels, or am I better of pretending I know.  I decided to watch it.  There sat my daughter, about to reveal her true feeling about me, and she spoke these words "So Alexis is my best friend...I mean she's kinda my mom too, but she's my best friend". That is exactly how I feel about my mom, and I want nothing more than my girls to feel that way about me when they are grown and don't NEED me, I hope they want me, the way I want my mommy to be around more again.  

Here and Now

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."
Buddha

At some point, we all dwell in the past, some more than others.   The past can be disappointing, regretful, bittersweet, memorable.  The past can be painful and have severe consequences, or it can be the highlight of our life, and hard to let go.

I have had so much lost in the past.  Career paths rerouted, regretful decisions, friendships severed, words misspoken.  I use to dwell on these things often.  I use to feel sorry for myself.  Could of, should of, would of....Didn't.  I also have loved, lived and been proud of my past.  Highlights of my past cross my mind frequently and bring back feelings of accomplishment.

The future is exciting, scary, unknown, and often dreamt about.  We set our goals in the future, make changes for the future, and sometimes put off the undesirable for a future time. We brag about our future, complain about the future, over plan for not only our future but our loved ones future as well, and worry about the overall future for everyone.

We all have both a past and a future worth dwelling on and reminiscing about .  

Some say the future isn't promised, of course the future could be lost at any moment, death is a clear indication of that. But what if those future events, good or bad, that consume us were kept in the future and not set on a pedestal or agonized over. 

What if past hurt was geniully forgiven, previous obstacles overcame and chapters closed?

This post sounds deeper than it is intended to be, I really just wanted to write LIVE IN THE MOMENT...but I thought further elaboration on my thoughts, would have a better effect.

I am not enjoying everyday as I should, and I know that is because every day I do not live in the moment.  I do not appreciate the things right in front of my face.   I do not see the humor in my children's mistakes, or take the valuable lessons out of them every time as I should.

I look forward to so many things, and miss out on far more.  The thoughts "when they are older...in the new house...next summer..." have fogged my head and not allowed me to enjoy THIS age, THIS home, THIS summer. 

I want my children to enjoy now, tomorrow, yesterday...living in the moment will give them a wonderful past. present and future.   

It sounds so easy, and for some it is not a challenge, it comes natural and is their way of thinking.  I am not one of those people.  I dwell, I anticipate and I have a hard time seeing what is, it is a challenge for me to enjoy here and now, but the reward is well worth the work. 

Living in the moment will create a better past, less regrets (or maybe more enjoyable ones), and lead to an optimistic future.  Seeing what I do have, should outweigh what I don't, and sacrifices will soon become my past, less important and just a small piece of the puzzle of my life.

My house is messy today as it is everyday, and feels like it will never be clean.  I use to have a cleaning lady to help me, because 7 people making a mess and 1 person cleaning is a horrible math problem.  I could feel bad for myself, or I could pick up what I can, take care of the important things, and appreciate my children while they are here making a mess...because soon my house will be clean...and quiet, and I will miss this mess more than anything.

Such a trivial thing for me to worry about...but these are the things that consume me, and I am sure sometimes you as well.  We worry, hurt, become angry, over excited, analytical about things that have happened, or will happen, instead searching for the good, the happy, the once in a life time, that is today.


So now that I have over stated my opinion on the topic, I am going to go live in the moment..

Fear not...I have chocolate.

I have enjoyed writing for as long as I can remember.  I am not the most grammatically correct writer and often my writing is simple.  I was never a good student, but writing was one of the few things that got me excited in class, I loved the opportunity to be creative.

Since deciding to share my writing with other people, I have found the passion that I have been searching for.   My friends. family and even some of you that have read my blog have probably recognized my constant quest for happiness.  I have blogged in the past about writing being my passion, but because of my insecurities, I haven't fully embraced my love for words.

Yesterday I was reading this post http://daddydoinwork.com/happy/

(seriously go read it...its good)

It opened my eyes.  It made me understand that everyone has fears, and that we can chose to either grow from situations or stay exactly the same.  Stay scared, stay unhappy, stay unsure. 

Mostly my writing is sarcastic and comical, not because I am trying to be a stand up comedian, but because by nature I look at life in a humerus way. There are much funnier blogs out there than mine, I would not win the funniest blogger award, nor am I trying to...although I would gladly accept it if offered to me.  I appreciate writers who are witty, original and have something worth reading, but I do not want to be them, I want to be me and hopefully offer some of those same attributes. I'm not overly vulgar, or create funny ecards, I don't share crafts or recipes (unless you count  my sangria share).  Not because these are bad things, vulgar can be funny, ecards can offer a good chuckle, crafts are fun, and (many) recipes are delicious, those things are just not me.  

I have a lot of things to share, things that I haven't opened up about, my life, my ideas, my concerns.  I want this to be a platform where I can freely express who I am, as well as a forum where other people can contribute and connect with my stories, rants, and experiences.  I am scared, but I think if I stay true to who I am, what I want to achieve and what I believe in, this blog can be a beautiful thing.

Some days I may tell a story, a funny story because I have 5 energetic, noisy, outspoken kids, and have still have not learned how to successfully manage being the perfect partner, stay at home mom, and run a household.  Other times I may post something deep, like the fact that being a "replacement" mom to my 3 daughters who lost their birth mother is one of the hardest undertakings I have ever pursued, and affects all of us, and how I pray every day that their mother would be proud of me or how I cannot understand how my biological daughter is so well adjusted, intelligent and optimistic despite the poor choices I have made.  Sometime I want to post things that you, my readers, want to hear about.

So now that I have gotten my writing fears, and ambitions out in the open, I am ready to move forward.

The other day on my  facebook  page, I asked my friends to suggest topics for me to write about, things that they wanted to read about.  One person responded, snarkfest, another mom blogger whom I think is wonderful :)  She ask that I write about chocolate, because like most of us, she loves it.  Now I assume she was joking when she offered the topic of chocolate, however, I asked for ideas and she gave me one!

Since she offered her suggestion I have been thinking A LOT about chocolate.  I've been wishing  it were Easter, so I could go buy a giant chocolate bunny and bite the ears off and then talk about the bunny and laugh because it couldn't "hear me" and then laugh more because it's not a real bunny and that's just silly (all by myself of course, because who would do this in front of other people?).  But mostly I just wish I could eat a huge chocolate bunny.  Chocolate is the only food, that I know of, that can be formed into animals, people, or other random objects and considered "cute" to eat.  Could you imagine going to dinner and your steak being in the shape of a person...that's just sick.

I also realized that there are foods that would suck without involving chocolate as an ingredient:

-S'more's... without chocolate I would not want some more.

-Kit-Kat bars, and most other candy bars.  Kit-Kats in particular would be pretty lame though.  I don't think anyone says "I am really craving a crispy wafer today"  

-Chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate chips are kind of a big deal for these guys.

-Pretzels, Strawberries and Banana's should always be smothered in chocolate

-Hot CHOCOLATE. If you aren't adding chocolate you are just drinking water (unless you have more money than me, and can afford to use milk, then you are just drinking warm milk...and if you are older than 2, that's gross)

-M&M's. These cute little guys would be pretty shallow without their main ingredient, and I am pretty sure that Candy Coated shell involves chocolate as well...so they would basically be extinct...what a terrible thought.

The list could really go on, because frankly I would put chocolate on just about anything, so to me any food that doesn't contain chocolate is lacking.

Chocolate is used to bribe, as a reward and to console.  It comes in different flavors, forms, and temperatures.  You can drink it, eat it, and even pay a lot of money to bathe in it (I would recommend going to one of those fancy spa's, could you imagine how many bottle's of syrup you would need, and the clean up!).  How many other food are this diverse? 

Like, Snarkfest,  I too love chocolate, so when asked to write about, I thought why not! I hope this is what my friend was hoping for, if not, I tried.  

If you would like to suggest things for me to write about check out my facebook page and leave me a comment.  

Thanks for reading my blog, I hope you stick around and continue to grow with me.  

If you like what have read, go check out my other posts, if you like those too then you should probably be my facebook friend, and since we are friends then you should click on the little lady up top that says vote for me :) 

Different...but the same.

People always ask me "how do you do it with five??"

Five children is really no different than one, or none.

My five children keep me busy, make me happy, stress me out, cause confusion, make me laugh, make me cry, and fill my heart, mind and soul with goodness and sometimes other not so happy feelings.  One child can do these same things.  A job, a parent, a partner, and even a struggle of some sort can have a similar affect on your life. 

Each day is a balancing act regardless of your calling.

Like most, I tend to forget this when I am consumed by my own life.

I think how hard simple things like going to the store can be, or how every time (and I mean everytime) I go out somewhere, I get stared at and asked in a shocking tone "ARE THEY ALL YOURS??".  Some days I laugh it off, other days this question strikes a cord with me.

Yes five are more expensive than one, at times louder than two, on occasion messier than three or even ten but no different than none.

Those days when someone with none feels consumed with joy by the love they share with a spouse, a friend or a family member, I too have.

Those days when someone with one feels alone and defeated,  I have experienced as well.

We all have our trials, and our triumphs regardless of who or what consumes us,

I have thought "oh she has no children and doesn't get it" or "He is a man, and doesn't understand"

She may be suffering in a way that I have never felt.
He could have the weight of the world on his shoulders.

We are all facing a challenge and may be able to relate to one another in more ways than we realize.

We all need encouragement, praise and empathy.  We all need to feel appreciated, important and understood.

I don't know how YOU do it.  Whatever you are doing.  

Seasons come and go...

I knew at some point it would happen.  Summer would eventually start to piss me off.   In the beginning its fun, sleeping in, playing outside, watching movies, vacations...and then it turns into a disaster.  I lose track of days, forget about lunch (aren't 2 big meal just as nutritious as 3 regular meals?), outside becomes increasingly HOT and miserable, my children transform from structured pleasant little children to "that kid" that I never thought they would be.  You know "that kid".  Who ignores you because they are over tired from a lack of a bed time, or forgets how to use any form of manners because their diets have consisted of finger foods (pizza, burgers, chicken wings, corn, watermelon...ever realize how in the summer we just stop using utensils?) and looks at you like you have 3 heads when you ask them if their room is clean...OF COURSE IT IS'NT CLEAN..they have spent more time playing in there over the last 2 months then they have EVER.

Now don't get me wrong, we have had some fun times...."summer" and I.  We have spent wonderful days at the pool, and splashed lovingly, read books as a family, and even made strong attempts at learning new things in several museums.  I even experienced some alone time with summer, and visited a place where children do not exist...this place is called Duval Street and it is magical.

Like any relationship you must take a step back and ask yourself  "is this healthy".  As my children ignored me in Target yesterday and could not grasp the phrase "stand next to the cart", as my two year old forgot how to use his legs and decided that crawling on the dust covered store floor and as my 6 year old put her face disturbingly close to the stack of apples in the produce isle... I pondered this question.

This is not healthy.

It is time for Summer and I to go our separate ways.

I need to know that in the morning when my children are arguing, spilling cereal and giving me dirty looks because they think I'm "mean" for not letting them wear THAT...that it they will be spending the day learning, playing, and complaining to someone else.  I need my job back of sending them out clean, eager and ready, asking questions when they come home, providing dinner (like I said 2 meals is my thing) taking them to practices, parties and putting them to bed.  I'm good at those things.

Summer always starts out easy, but in the end she's a real pain in the ass.  So I think its time we go our separate ways...besides I invited Fall to come stay with me soon and they say three's a crowd.

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dust yourself off and try again...

Today was not great.  I was on the verge of tears throughout the whole day.  I yelled to much, snapped to easily, judged to quick, and had almost no patience...I actually asked one of the children to stop laughing...but that was mostly because I was convinced that she was laughing at me.

It didn't help that we had 2 doctors appointments scheduled, and picked up a 3rd appointment by noon.  Sitting for extended periods of time, in a confined space with several children repeating "mommy, mommy, mommy!" is a lot like Chinese water torture.

I felt alone and frustrated today.  I felt like everything I did was wrong.  Screaming at the kids to be quiet, or telling them to use their manners while I myself was talking with my mouth full.  I could see them mirroring everything I was doing.  A bad attitude is contagious, and I was sneezing and coughing this nasty virus all over them.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was taking it on the 5 people I love the most.

They were no angels either today but they are good kids.  They make mistakes, and they have bad days...wait a second...that sounds familiar...in the future though I would like us to discuss who's turn it is to have a bad day, they cannot coincide with my bad days.

OK so I guess we all kinda had a bad day...

Parent's always say there is no rule book...but I bet kids think the same thing sometimes.  Those moments where they do or say something wrong and have a real look of shock on their face, as if in their head they are thinking "OH CRAP. THIS IS BAD...MOM LOOKS PISSED" and try to get the word "sorry" out as fast and repetitive as possible.

I want to make the right choices, and be proud of myself at the end of the day, but sometimes I fail.  As do my children.  It doesn't change how much we love each other one bit, and the best part is that  the next day we get to start all over and try again. 

Gold Medalist

I was watching the Olympics the other day and was surprised to find out how many "older" participants there are.  Upon this realization, I decided I could be in the Olympics, if of course I excelled in a sport and was in much better shape.  I ran the idea past James, and I have his total support...by support I mean he said "Sure honey".  I have ran a mile a few times in my life (a "brisk" walk, counts right?), and with all the chasing around I do on a daily basis I think I could get the necessary conditioning for something track and field related.  I make multiple trips up and down the stairs, skipping several steps to reduce my travel time...hurdles maybe? 


OK maybe I couldn't be in the Olympics...but I do feel like my life is a work out, and frankly the results are nothing to brag about....no six pack here, just a "soft" belly as my children lovingly refer to it as.

I carry around a 32 lb weight for several hours a day (I also give the weight kisses and snuggles...weird?), I do about 100 squats a day grabbing trash, tying shoes and getting down to "their level", planks are commonly performed in the living room - looking under the couch for my keys, the remote control, shoes or the lollipop that was in someones hand 30 seconds prior and magically vanished.  My arm routine is a mix of exercises called folding, washing, and hand waving.  I use both hands for waving depending on the offense and if my other hand is full. For example if its during dinner and the children are being rude I may have a cup or fork in one hand, so the free hand waves in the air followed by a heavy sigh and the statement "chew with your mouth closed!"  If its  during lunch time, a meal that I don't usually get to eat, and the same behavior were displayed I would waive both hands and say "use your manners!"

I also engage in a lot of sprinting from my van through the garage up the stairs, back down the stairs, into the living room and then back to the van...to find my phone that of course is used by my 2 year old who has nothing to play with...poor kid.

I have ninja moves with cat like reflexes to catch anything or anyone that may be falling, slipping or contemplating an escape.

I just recently discovered that my dishwasher doesn't take 6 hours to run, a quick and determined short person has been re-running it, so my most recent exercise is a timed activity, called dash and unload.

My diet is extremely strict sometimes none existent depending on the length of my exercising.  If its a long day full of sprinting, squatting, arm routine, and ninja moves, I may not have time to eat.  Other days though...well lets just say that a $5 pizza is hard to turn down.

So I may never have that amazing body that I swear I have when my clothes are on but disappears when I get in the shower, but I would say I am in pretty good shape.

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To-Didn't list

This weekend I had a ton of stuff to do.....but I....to didn't.

I have an extreme case of short term motivation.  I had ADHD way before it was cool to take Ritalin. I get distracted more often than a two year old trying to playing tennis and have the attention span of...oooo look at that!

I was literally in the middle of moping my floor when I sat down to start writing this post.  Only half of my kitchen floor is eligible for the "5 minute rule".

I have such good intentions, I come up with pretty good ideas, but my follow through is horrible.  

People constantly tell me that I look upset, "smile!" they say.  I am thinking people!! I am focusing, if I smile I will start to think about things that make me happy, and then I completely lose my train of thought.  I have a train in my head alright...and its going straight to crazy town.

Even though I really didn't get much knocked of my list (I have several unfinished lists), the weekend was pretty great.

James had the whole weekend off and we enjoyed a lot of family time. He took the kids fishing, I stayed home to do something but I ended up doing nothing.  We grilled, well he grilled.  He cooked a huge Sunday breakfast.  I am starting to feel like I was kind of a lazy ass this weekend....

Normally I would feel very guilty about this, but I don't.  My kids are (semi)clean, ate multiple meals, played A LOT, did not have any accidents...not harmful one's for that matter, the dog is still alive...oh crap I forgot to take the trash out on Saturday...I guess I do suck as a parent.

OK so I now have a very smelly garage, and one more thing to add to my list (Lysol garage ASAP)
but if I were running around all weekend doing things like the mom I wish I were, I would of missed out on all the fun that everyone else was having, so I am glad that sometimes I just to-don't.

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Home Schooled

Yesterday, as I was driving to pick my daughter up from drama class, a sign on the side of the road caught my eye, it read "Bully proof your Child - free class!".  This intrigued me.  I thought to myself  "how nice, a class where children can learn to use kind words, have open hearts and that being different doesn't mean being weird or uncool".  I think there were even unicorns and rainbows dancing around in my naive little noggin.  I grabbed my cell phone and called the number.  "Martial Arts, how can I help you?"  was what I heard coming from the other end of the phone.  I quickly hung up.  I felt tricked.  I have nothing against martial arts, 3 of my children even attended an after care program one year, however I did not agree with this marketing tactic.

Why didn't the sign just say "Teach you're child to kick that little bastard that's been picking on him's ass - free class".  Isn't that what they were implying?  I know that there are many other things that come from martial arts such as confidence, morals, and respect - but I felt like they weren't talking about those lessons.  Maybe I am wrong, I could be completely wrong and the intentions may have been in the right place when coming up with the wording to display on that sign, but my mind went to a different place.

I started thinking about how I would never want my child to be picked on, or be the bully behind the teasing.  I thought about how I try my best to teach my children to be nice, to everyone, and that being mean is never OK.   I wish there was a class where my children could be given the confidence to not only walk away from such behavior but encourage others to make good choices as well.

Then it clicked....every day is a lesson.  Behavior that we allow or do not, morals that we create, ideas that we plant as parents are all lessons.  Telling my daughter's to share with their little brother, forcing apologies, setting rules,  and sometimes making them learn the hard way are all lessons.   No matter how many different color martial arts belts they have, or  all the coolest clothes, nothing prepares them more then what they learn at home.  If I am a jerk, I will probably have little jerk kids...but if I think before I speak, react with compassion, and treat people with respect, I will have children who value those same things.

This house is their  free bully proof class.

Now if only I could find somewhere that I could rent rainbows and unicorns....

Growing up

Its true...I am growing up, and eventually I will be "OLD".   I use to love growing up, it was exciting, and challenging in a "fun, but I was usually the winner" kind of way. I got to be the boss of not only myself, but my daughter too.

Now I hate aging, and its freaking me out.  I cant sleep at night.  I catch myself saying ridiculous old people things like "jeepers creepers", "I'm not made of money" and for those who know my dad "who would do such a thing??"...I roll my eyes at myself sometimes, I can only imagine how uncool my kids think I am.  Different parts of my body "ache" on a regular basis, I slept wrong the other night and had a stiff neck for a week.    Whenever I go to a bar its a sad reminder that the drinking age sign has a year that I can actually remember living in, on it and that I don't need to flirt with the bartender to get a drink, and wouldn't want to because he is 10 years younger than me, and he wouldn't want me to because he knows how much older I am and mostly because I'm far beyond drinking age and flirting with him would just make me look "creepy".  Instead of drinking care free,  I now think about what I have to do for the next week  and if a 3 day hang over is worth it, because for some reason, as I age, it takes me a lot longer to recover from bad decisions.  I have problematic skin for the first time in my life, am in full denial of my "muffin top" and there are clothes that are inappropriate for me to wear...now I am "too mature" for them, and it is just as disappointing as when they were "too mature" for me.

And it isn't just me, James is aging with me. We have "programs" that we watch together,  prefer fish over red meat because its lighter and doesn't make us "sleepy", and recently we decided that we want to get a credit card with points so that we can take the kids on cool vacations....we want the kids on vacation with us....

I miss the excitement of aging.  Almost 5 years ago, I wrote about growing up and today, as I read what I wrote back then, it reminded me of where that excitement came from.   I thought  I would share what I wrote, so that those of us who are searching for the fountain of youth can be reminded of the good that comes with aging.   Getting older is knowing that its OK, and that we are growing up to a better world, and choosing what we want to do, where we want to be and who we will be remembered as.  So although it scares the "begeebees" outta me, I do know that growing up is a good thing.

 

Growing up

March 20, 2008

When I was younger I wished never never land was a real place.  I wanted to stay care free forever, doing things that are only acceptably done by a child. I was terrified of "growing up".  Maybe it was because I had an exciting childhood, or because I was the youngest of 4 children.  Whatever the reason, I always hated gaining another year. 

Holidays lose that sparkle after a certain age, it’s not as "cool" to talk about an over sized bunny or actually believe that reindeer fly.   Dolls that once knew all of your secrets and were taken care of almost as well as a real child begin to collect dust under your bed.  Imaginary friends disappear…creativity fades.  Trees are now meant for shade instead of climbing, and rocks stay on the ground instead of in your pocket.

Friends become enemies and adults that used to be your heroes soon disappoint you.  Your blinders slowly slip away and the world is an ugly place.  Everything that made sense to you is blurry now and you are forced to be brave.

Fast forward….

That was the hard part of growing up. 

When you actually become an adult, those things come back.  You realize who you are and what parts of your life are important.  Painting with your fingers sounds appealing again and nature is appreciated instead of wasted.  One friend is better than a hundred, and relationships are exactly what you make of them.  "Cool" only exists in your own mind, and there is no one to impress anymore.  Music sounds better, food is appreciated more, and art is in everything you see.  Laughing is better than drinking, talking is better than kissing… living is better than sleeping .

I’m growing up, and loving it.  Things are still challenging and sometimes I’m scared but I’m excited to see where my path will lead me.  A far away land full of hundred year old "children" doesn’t sound as exciting as it used to.  Knowing that it’s OK to be who you are at any age is the key to a happy adulthood. 
  

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