first comes life, then comes love

First comes (lots of) babies, then comes marriage.

Wait isn't it first comes love, then comes marriage...then something about a baby carriage?

Whatever the saying, as of about 2 months ago, I am officially a married woman!

And in my case,  life came before love. 

My husband and I have been in a relationship for a little over 6 years.  In our time together we have merged our families into one, created a baby, bought our first home, started a business and most recently got married. 

I remember when I was a teenager and I wanted be "in love", I wanted to be swept off of my feet and have butterflies in my stomach. This sounds magical, and its what is portrayed to us in movies, books, on TV and all over social media.  The image of romance that everyone wants and feels they deserve is plastered everywhere.

The love my husband and I share has grown tremendously in the time that we have been together, but we did not fall in love "at first sight" like in some fairytale. 

When I first met my husband, I was a single mom.  I also became a mother figure to his 3 little girls, who had lost their mother a year earlier.  It was my first time ever playing "house".  I had never been a wife, I had never even moved out of my parents house.  I wanted to be married. 

After I got pregnant with our son, I wanted marriage even more.  I thought having a husband would make life better.  I thought being married would mean I had found "true love".

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Our relationship took time to grow into love, and every experience that we had together bonded us into a stronger couple. 

I am not endorsing having children with a person and then seeing if love happens between you.  I am however implying that pursuing love without expecting there to be instant fireworks may prove to be more a affective approach.

We live in an instagram world, with social media play by plays of our favorite celebrities, sports teams, political leaders or whatever topic that peaks our interest.  We expect what we want, exactly when we want it, with as little of our own time committed as possible.

Love takes time. I can honestly say that I love my children deeper today than when they were first born.  I loved them immensely when they were infants, but through watching them grow into individuals with their own quirks, strengths, and goals I have gained an affection that only time could reveal. 

I once knew a man from another country who said Americans use the word "love" too loosely.  He argued that we say we love food, material objects and other things that aren't logically loveable.  I was in my early 20's and thought that statement was so harsh.   I remember thinking, "But love is good"

Love is good, but I think what my friend meant was that we can be happy without love.

I believe that love doesn't create happiness, happiness creates love.

I of course, love my husband, more today than the first time that I said I loved him, I would not be as in love as I am without the time that we have had together, without living life together and allowing our happiness to create love.