Friday, July 6, 2012
Its in my jeans...there is something in my jeans!!
This morning I was awoken by a blaring siren, my house alarm was going off. It was 4:58 AM. James jumped up and shut it off, the dog wasn't barking, and no doors were open...it was just a fluke. However I was now wide awake, and scared. I may be the most paranoid, jumpiest, scared of my own shadow mom in the world. And I literally mean that my own shadow has creeped me out before. When I was little I had an excuse to be terrified of most things, actually 2 excuses. The first one was the fact that I was as blind as a a bat, I wore glasses that gave me the (endearing?) nick name "bug eyes". When I took my glasses off, everything became distorted and turned into scary figures...usually Aliens or the "shrunken man" that my brother convinced me lived under my bed. I hated being without those giant coke bottles (my mother insisted on me wearing those huge plastic glasses, she thought the smaller frames looked silly on children...no comment). The second excuse, and most influential on my paranoia was the fact that I had three pyromaniac, knife fighting, wrestling, extreme dare seeking older brothers. For those of you who have 3 older brothers, and are the only girl in the family, YOU understand...everyone else does NOT get it. I only use butter knifes (which takes a long time when eating steak), prefer watching fireworks behind a cement wall, and am saving my money for a flame retardant body suit. These are two very valid reasons to be a "scaredy cat"...however I now where contacts pretty much 24/7 and my brothers no longer torment me on a daily basis. (side note: most of the teasing was from one brother in particular...you know who you are ;) LOVE YOU). I am now a grown up and the boss of me, however I seem to be turning into more of a wimp. I am scared of things that are embarrassing to admit. I make up ridiculous scenarios in my head. I once helped a friend move and she accidently left a TV remote control behind in my car. I found it a few days later, having never seen it in my life, I panicked. I convinced myself that someone had broken into my car and put a "remote control" which was of course a bomb, in my car....yes I know I am crazy. I threw it out the window while driving. The minute it left my hand, I realized that it belonged to my friend. I am scared of squirrels, terrified actually, that one will attack my face, hamsters creep me out and most birds intimidate me. I still run up the stairs at night, skipping every other step and jump onto my bed to avoid anything (that may or may not be under there) from grabbing my legs. Child birth was a piece of cake and dental work borderline enjoyable compared to my long list of bizarre fears. I have come to the conclusion that I will never grow out of this....I think its in my genes. My BIGGEST fear is that my children inherit this terrible trait. My daughter seems to be unaffected, she is WAY braver than me, she does play by the rules though...God forbid I park in an "unauthorized" space, she would be on the phone with tow truck company faster than I could back out. She constantly reads me the speed limit while I'm driving, and I wouldn't even consider turning in a library book late in her presence. My son is young, so its hard to tell, he's scared of normal things, but I think with 4 big sisters he's somewhat destine to be a little wimpy. The other 3 are not biologically mine so I think they are all safe. I would never want any of my children growing up thinking that monsters are real, or fearing household objects. I just want them to be normal...unlike like me.
Posted by busymee at 8:40 AM