Yes my 6th child, a dog, Duke, is the one who causes me the most grief.
For all of you who thought that I allowed my hairiest (human) child to pee in public...I'm classier than you assumed aren't I...and you know what they say about assuming...
If you aren't aware of my furry little monsters misbehavior's, you can read about them here and here.
Duke likes to run around the neighborhood, the neighbors however do not like this. A few months ago Duke got out...AGAIN...this time, the neighbor cried like a little baby....actually the neighbor screamed profanities at me, while I cried like a little baby. He claimed that Duke was being aggressive, if by aggressive he meant growling at him, then yes he was being aggressive.
Duke has never bit anyone, but I can see how he may be considered "scary".
I am scared of him, because he enjoys eating my shoes - and that frightens me...only a sick monster would enjoy destroying shoes..and leather ones at that!
The day after Dukes stroll around the neighborhood, I got a knock on my door from animal services. The neighbor was pressing charges. $700 in fines...that's more than I spent on back to school shopping for my kids!! If I complied with the courts requests, dog training, install a micro chip, and go "downtown" to watch a movie (I have a feeling popcorn and soda will not be provided), my fines would be less...but just so we are clear all of those things cost about double what the fines were originally.
This couldn't be real. Doggy court? Was the judge going to be a k-9?
I kept thinking that I was too young to be dealing with this...I haven't even had time to rehearse the speech... "Duke, I'm not mad, I am just so disappointed in you...(silent stare)....(BIG sigh)
So we did what any good owners would do...we put Duke for sale on craigslist...
OK NOT really...we friggen hired a dog attorney. NO JOKE.
I can hear it now, every time one of my kids gets in trouble..."MOM, you got the dog a lawyer, can't you just hire one for me!...ughh I knew you liked him more than me!"
In our defense, she was extremely affordable and was able to handle all the paperwork for us.
That was a horrible defense...please send any further questions to my attorney.
We also got Duke trained, which was entirely too expensive and lasted for about 3 minutes...we were informed that he is not aggressive but HIGHLY distracted, I have no idea where he gets that from.
This all happened a while ago, and frankly I forgot about the whole situation...
But I was reminded today.
Duke's lawyer called...wow that sounds rediculous.
I have to be in court this Wednesday, at 9 am, for my DOG!
I have yet to have him micro chipped, nor have I watched the movie about aggressive behaviors in animals...so tomorrow will be a day dedicated to getting those things done.
I would take temper tantrums, and dirty diapers over court any day...Duke has really done it this time.
He is family though, and hopefully the next time he has the urge to eat a pair of my favorite heels, he will remember who had his furry little back...
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