Its so easy to get lost in the everyday chaos of life. I don't stop and appreciate my children, my family or my life often enough. This week has been tough with everyone being sick, myself included, and this afternoon I hit a wall. In that moment, I could only see the negative, and annoying aspects of my life - yet there is so much good that goes unnoticed.
About a week ago, before I knew that my entire household would come down with the plague, I signed myself up to volunteer in my daughters class - for today. This time was intentional (there was a bouncehouse, cotton candy and snowcones involved) After putting my feelers out on the walk to school this morning (I asked if I had to still volunteer - she responded with a firm YES), I showed up(fashionably) 15 minutes late. When I arrived on the playground, my daughter greeted me with a run and a hug, and was genuinely excited to see me (I was wearing my cool young mom clothes). Over the next two hours I helped with games and cheered against whoever was not on my daughter's team (there may have been some cheating involved...) I really enjoyed being there, and I was lucky enough to have a babysitter watch the rest of the kids so I could just focus on my daughter. As I watched her interact with her classmates, I couldn't help but notice how different I was as a child. She was so calm, cool and focused. She didn't have to try, or do anything to get anyone's attention. I was much more self conscious, and awkward. I was so proud of her and for a moment puzzled. People always comment on her intelligence, disposition and overall good character...but where does that come from, I often wonder. I mean yes, I want to take full credit - but really a lot of who she is, is who I would like to be but am not.
I am proud of all my children, each for different reasons. Some days they disappoint me, and in that moment I forget how wonderful they truly are. Just as I love James, and as all relationships, when we hit a bump it feels like we are falling off a mountain.
I want to try harder to savor the great moments, appreciate the good ones, and let the bad ones pass. One of my best qualities used to be my ability to handle what life threw at me. Over time, I started asking why, instead of figuring out how.