Time is a tickin'

If I could have more of anything, it would be time.  Everyone always says they want more money, food or excitement, all of which are attainable but time is one of the few things in life that you are guaranteed to lose. You can't borrow more time from friends when you run out, or put some in a savings account for later, we each have a certain amount and we have to use it right now.

I feel pretty aware of the importance of time, which is why I constantly beat myself up about not spending more of it on the people and things that I love.  I envy those who can fit everything into their schedule, I tell myself they don't have as many kids as I do...and if they do...well then I tell myself that they are perfect, and perfect is weird.

When I am not around my children I think of ways that I could spend more quality time with them, creating a mental note to go out of my way that day to make time for each of them.  Sometimes I suggest to my Fiancé the idea of taking turns spending one on one time every week with the kids.  The reality is though, we are a big, busy family on a pretty tight schedule that includes school, activities and events, quality time cant be created...it kind of has to happen.

I had an "aha moment"  over the summer that made me realize, "I am spending quality time with children!" more than I realized.   I was at my parent's house with all the children, it was late and I was laying in bed.  My oldest daughter came in the room that I was staying in and said she couldn't sleep, she asked if she could lay with me for a minute.  At home, we don't really have moments like this...mostly because if I allowed them to get in my bed every time they "couldn't sleep", I would end up sleeping on the couch most nights.  Since we were on vacation, I let it slide. As she lay next to me I pulled up the calculator on my cell phone.  I typed in the number 14, flipped it over and showed her how it spelled "hi".  She was really impressed.  We spent the next 20 minutes coming up with as many words as we could. 

We do quirky things with our children all the time, and its genuine quality time.  My other daughter makes me leave goofy poems on her dry erase board in her bedroom at night, it takes me only a minute to do but its our special thing. My son asks me to lay with him before bed every night, and when I'm really busy I only stay for 30 seconds, but they are OUR 30 seconds.  My 10 year old and I made up this really funny game where we only talk in song lyrics, she is so good at it, it annoys everyone else in the family but her and I love it! My 8 year old showers me with hugs, and I do the same in return for her.  She reminds me everyday that being loved creates more love, that may not sound like quality time but it is to us. 

Time is passing, and tomorrow will be here before we know it.  Don't spend time wishing or wanting, realize what you have already done! 

Blended and Mended

Please check out my new blog post http://blendedandmended.blogspot.com/

I hope you find this blog relatable and share it with other parents and families :)

So this is 30....

Well I made it...to the big 3-0, the dirty thirty.

Truth is, I have felt beyond 30 for a while now. I mean, I have 5 children, am (almost) married, have been to school more times than I should admit, have had more jobs than should be legal, tried things that I will never talk about on this blog and have been a mom for 10 years... TEN YEARS!  I feel old...and tired.  I thought 30 would be more...different.

For the past few years I have set all of these goals for 30, the hot bod, the New York times best seller, the career...none of it has really panned out.  Except the hot bod, I would post a pic of my 6 pack abs but I don't believe in bragging. 

Being so consumed by my daily life, I have often had my sights set for the future.  The lifestyle that will start "tomorrow" or the hobby that will happen when my kids don't need me as much.  It's mostly about later, and rarely about now.  

Yet, when I see my children yearning to grow up, itching to turn another year, gain a new privilege, it breaks my heart.   I tell them to enjoy life now, because shit's about to get real...except I don't say shit....I say sweet words, because they still have sweet little ears and pure little minds.

Like every mother on the planet, I wish I had a time machine.  That moment when my daughters come down stairs wearing clothing that I may currently have hanging in my closet but would not allow them to wear, looking 10 times more beautiful than I ever was, waiting to be picked up by Mr. right-now... I would shove them in that time machine, instant rewind and immediate boyfriend heartbreak remedy.   The second my son doesn't give me on the spot affection because its become not OK to have a "mommy"...yeah his ass would be in the time machine. I'm terrified of those moments.

Until 30 happened, I wasn't phased much by getting older...I had tomorrow, later...whenever.  I wasn't taking my own advice of enjoying the now.  I haven't stopped and smelt the roses, and sometimes I am so worried about the thorns that I don't even notice the beauty of the flower. 

Not to say that I haven't accomplished great things over the years, or had very proud moments, because I have, but just as a child I have done so with the feeling of wanting to get to the next part in the story.  30 is just that, a part, no better than another age. just different. 

While I do think that growing is wonderful, I think growing up is over rated. 

New Year, Same YOU.

Happy New Year!  Its time for change.  Change in diets, lifestyles, decisions, relationships and so much more.  Of all the changes that will happen, there is one thing I hope stays the same...YOU.

I don't want to see my friends change, I picked them for who they are.  I have bounced my craziest ideas off of them, consulted them for words of wisdom and spilled my most embarrassing secrets, all while under the assumption that they will always be a part of my life.  Some I have grown up with, and others I have been lucky to meet along the way, equally important, completely different yet perfect exactly as they are.

I hope my family doesn't change, because I have grown so comfortable, too comfortable with them.  It would be a huge disappointment if my dad wanted to have long phone conversations and not immediately hand the phone over to my mother when I call...what in the world would we talk about, we don't have phone conversations - we spend time together in person, on the couch, laughing, usually at each other...it's who we are.

I could not handle my children changing.  They each bring a different ingredient to my life, and if one of them altered their personal additive, our family pie wouldn't be the blue ribbon quality that it is.  I depend on my son challenging my flexibility and keeping my heart rate up with his overactive personality.  I actually enjoy debating with my incredibly stubborn, too big for their britches,  know it all daughters, I hope they never stop asking "why?" and continue fighting for what they want. 

If my Fiancé changed, I would be in big trouble, for I am certain that not many men would have the patience for all that I exude.  He has to be the "fun parent", good cop, the level headed dude in public places, I count on him to pick up my slack.  He is not perfect, yet perfect for me.

Instead of changing, I hope we can all figure out how to be the best us. I wish everyone success, good fortune and prosperity all while being YOU.

I have many goals, but none of them include changing me, if anything I hope to get back to who I truly am. 

In 2014, I will laugh more, and try to share laughter with others, as that is a part of who I am, silly, fun and sometimes inappropriate. I plan on being more productive with my passions, and not allow anger, jealousy or insecurity to fuel my decisions. I plan on helping others while staying true to myself, and my beliefs.  I will be more empathetic, a better listener, and find that patience that I know I have - these are things that I can do, all while staying the same old me.

I will do my best to let go of what I am not, and embrace who I am.  It is a new year, but it does not have to be a new us, as there is so much greatness that already exists in all of us.

Happy New Year!