Why I gave up Facebook, for my chidren

“I don’t like Sally, she’s mean…” my daughter said to her younger sister in the backseat of our car.

“She didn’t say hi to me in the lunch room the other day.  And when I said hi, she made a face at me”

I couldn’t help but giggle to myself as I hear these words from my 9 year olds mouth.  I know Sally, she is kind of mean.  I didn’t disagree with her comment. 

My husband was driving our family of seven, 4 daughters, and 1 son to a hobby store that day.  We were going to get rocket parts, we had decided to start a family hobby of building and launching rockets.  It was just a day after Christmas and we were all still feeling jolly.

Until that conversation in the backseat was overheard by my husband.

“Anna” he said, requesting my daughter’s attention.

“You are better than that, don’t be petty” 

Silence filled our SUV.

I sank into my seat. 

“Who cares if Sally made a face” he continued. 

“What does it matter that she didn’t say hi?  That doesn’t make a person mean…maybe she didn’t see you.  Maybe the face that she made had nothing to do with you.”

My husband was right, and his insight couldn’t have been wiser. 

I chimed in with my two cents supporting my husband, suggesting that Sally may have had other things going on that day that we didn’t know about.  Never admitting that I myself was being petty too.  That moments earlier I agreed with my daughter, and also thought sally was “mean”.

We continued on our journey that day, stopping for burgers and ice cream and later launching our very first rocket at a park by our house.

Later that night I couldn’t stop reflecting on my husband’s comments. I was deeply disappointed in myself, not because of how I felt in the car or even for briefly agreeing with my daughter.  I was disappointed in my daily pettiness and the affect that it may have on my children.

I immediately wanted to cut any area that may create gossip or judgment out of my life.

There was one place in particular that I knew I had to escape from.

Facebook.

I have had a love/hate relationship with that little blue icon on my phone for years.  I have connected, disconnected, reconnected, liked, friended and unfriended more times than I am proud of. 

The love part of the relationship is based on the ability to be informed about what’s going on in people’s lives that I truly care about.  I catch adorable moments posted by my brother featuring my nephew, hilarious posts from my brother in South Korea, live vicariously through my adventure seeking brother and share brag worthy info about my crew with my mom.

The hate comes from the things I cannot unsee, the false lives that are portrayed, the status updates that are offensive, uneducated and entitled, the selfies that I too am guilty of, the TMI posts, the who cares posts, the political posts that are posted by people who know very little about politics, the #my(insertanyword)isbetterthanyours posts,  the  time wasted and most importantly the social and personal affect it has had on me.

Each time that I logged onto facebook, several times a day, I got caught up in seeing what everyone else was doing, what they had, what they wore, what their homes, cars, friends, families and careers looked like.  I saw “perfect” lives, I saw sad lives, I saw things that I was jealous of and things that made my life feel superior.  Facebook made me petty.  Facebook created gossip for me and my friends.

The decision was easy, disconnect. 

I hope to stay disconnected this time.  Some of the friends that I have lost on facebook will still be around, some will not and that’s ok.  It’s OK if I don’t know what a girl I went to highschool with does or doesn’t do, in fact it’s probably better that I don’t.  It’s great that I may run into that girl in real life, and reconnect based on actual things we have in common, and learn about who she is because she told me, not because I read all about it and came to my own conclusions. 

There are many other areas in my life where I can improve, but I think this is a good start.  My husband and I won’t raise perfect children, but we can set examples to show them how to be better people.

first comes life, then comes love

First comes (lots of) babies, then comes marriage.

Wait isn't it first comes love, then comes marriage...then something about a baby carriage?

Whatever the saying, as of about 2 months ago, I am officially a married woman!

And in my case,  life came before love. 

My husband and I have been in a relationship for a little over 6 years.  In our time together we have merged our families into one, created a baby, bought our first home, started a business and most recently got married. 

I remember when I was a teenager and I wanted be "in love", I wanted to be swept off of my feet and have butterflies in my stomach. This sounds magical, and its what is portrayed to us in movies, books, on TV and all over social media.  The image of romance that everyone wants and feels they deserve is plastered everywhere.

The love my husband and I share has grown tremendously in the time that we have been together, but we did not fall in love "at first sight" like in some fairytale. 

When I first met my husband, I was a single mom.  I also became a mother figure to his 3 little girls, who had lost their mother a year earlier.  It was my first time ever playing "house".  I had never been a wife, I had never even moved out of my parents house.  I wanted to be married. 

After I got pregnant with our son, I wanted marriage even more.  I thought having a husband would make life better.  I thought being married would mean I had found "true love".

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Our relationship took time to grow into love, and every experience that we had together bonded us into a stronger couple. 

I am not endorsing having children with a person and then seeing if love happens between you.  I am however implying that pursuing love without expecting there to be instant fireworks may prove to be more a affective approach.

We live in an instagram world, with social media play by plays of our favorite celebrities, sports teams, political leaders or whatever topic that peaks our interest.  We expect what we want, exactly when we want it, with as little of our own time committed as possible.

Love takes time. I can honestly say that I love my children deeper today than when they were first born.  I loved them immensely when they were infants, but through watching them grow into individuals with their own quirks, strengths, and goals I have gained an affection that only time could reveal. 

I once knew a man from another country who said Americans use the word "love" too loosely.  He argued that we say we love food, material objects and other things that aren't logically loveable.  I was in my early 20's and thought that statement was so harsh.   I remember thinking, "But love is good"

Love is good, but I think what my friend meant was that we can be happy without love.

I believe that love doesn't create happiness, happiness creates love.

I of course, love my husband, more today than the first time that I said I loved him, I would not be as in love as I am without the time that we have had together, without living life together and allowing our happiness to create love.

Time is a tickin'

If I could have more of anything, it would be time.  Everyone always says they want more money, food or excitement, all of which are attainable but time is one of the few things in life that you are guaranteed to lose. You can't borrow more time from friends when you run out, or put some in a savings account for later, we each have a certain amount and we have to use it right now.

I feel pretty aware of the importance of time, which is why I constantly beat myself up about not spending more of it on the people and things that I love.  I envy those who can fit everything into their schedule, I tell myself they don't have as many kids as I do...and if they do...well then I tell myself that they are perfect, and perfect is weird.

When I am not around my children I think of ways that I could spend more quality time with them, creating a mental note to go out of my way that day to make time for each of them.  Sometimes I suggest to my Fiancé the idea of taking turns spending one on one time every week with the kids.  The reality is though, we are a big, busy family on a pretty tight schedule that includes school, activities and events, quality time cant be created...it kind of has to happen.

I had an "aha moment"  over the summer that made me realize, "I am spending quality time with children!" more than I realized.   I was at my parent's house with all the children, it was late and I was laying in bed.  My oldest daughter came in the room that I was staying in and said she couldn't sleep, she asked if she could lay with me for a minute.  At home, we don't really have moments like this...mostly because if I allowed them to get in my bed every time they "couldn't sleep", I would end up sleeping on the couch most nights.  Since we were on vacation, I let it slide. As she lay next to me I pulled up the calculator on my cell phone.  I typed in the number 14, flipped it over and showed her how it spelled "hi".  She was really impressed.  We spent the next 20 minutes coming up with as many words as we could. 

We do quirky things with our children all the time, and its genuine quality time.  My other daughter makes me leave goofy poems on her dry erase board in her bedroom at night, it takes me only a minute to do but its our special thing. My son asks me to lay with him before bed every night, and when I'm really busy I only stay for 30 seconds, but they are OUR 30 seconds.  My 10 year old and I made up this really funny game where we only talk in song lyrics, she is so good at it, it annoys everyone else in the family but her and I love it! My 8 year old showers me with hugs, and I do the same in return for her.  She reminds me everyday that being loved creates more love, that may not sound like quality time but it is to us. 

Time is passing, and tomorrow will be here before we know it.  Don't spend time wishing or wanting, realize what you have already done! 

Blended and Mended

Please check out my new blog post http://blendedandmended.blogspot.com/

I hope you find this blog relatable and share it with other parents and families :)

So this is 30....

Well I made it...to the big 3-0, the dirty thirty.

Truth is, I have felt beyond 30 for a while now. I mean, I have 5 children, am (almost) married, have been to school more times than I should admit, have had more jobs than should be legal, tried things that I will never talk about on this blog and have been a mom for 10 years... TEN YEARS!  I feel old...and tired.  I thought 30 would be more...different.

For the past few years I have set all of these goals for 30, the hot bod, the New York times best seller, the career...none of it has really panned out.  Except the hot bod, I would post a pic of my 6 pack abs but I don't believe in bragging. 

Being so consumed by my daily life, I have often had my sights set for the future.  The lifestyle that will start "tomorrow" or the hobby that will happen when my kids don't need me as much.  It's mostly about later, and rarely about now.  

Yet, when I see my children yearning to grow up, itching to turn another year, gain a new privilege, it breaks my heart.   I tell them to enjoy life now, because shit's about to get real...except I don't say shit....I say sweet words, because they still have sweet little ears and pure little minds.

Like every mother on the planet, I wish I had a time machine.  That moment when my daughters come down stairs wearing clothing that I may currently have hanging in my closet but would not allow them to wear, looking 10 times more beautiful than I ever was, waiting to be picked up by Mr. right-now... I would shove them in that time machine, instant rewind and immediate boyfriend heartbreak remedy.   The second my son doesn't give me on the spot affection because its become not OK to have a "mommy"...yeah his ass would be in the time machine. I'm terrified of those moments.

Until 30 happened, I wasn't phased much by getting older...I had tomorrow, later...whenever.  I wasn't taking my own advice of enjoying the now.  I haven't stopped and smelt the roses, and sometimes I am so worried about the thorns that I don't even notice the beauty of the flower. 

Not to say that I haven't accomplished great things over the years, or had very proud moments, because I have, but just as a child I have done so with the feeling of wanting to get to the next part in the story.  30 is just that, a part, no better than another age. just different. 

While I do think that growing is wonderful, I think growing up is over rated. 

New Year, Same YOU.

Happy New Year!  Its time for change.  Change in diets, lifestyles, decisions, relationships and so much more.  Of all the changes that will happen, there is one thing I hope stays the same...YOU.

I don't want to see my friends change, I picked them for who they are.  I have bounced my craziest ideas off of them, consulted them for words of wisdom and spilled my most embarrassing secrets, all while under the assumption that they will always be a part of my life.  Some I have grown up with, and others I have been lucky to meet along the way, equally important, completely different yet perfect exactly as they are.

I hope my family doesn't change, because I have grown so comfortable, too comfortable with them.  It would be a huge disappointment if my dad wanted to have long phone conversations and not immediately hand the phone over to my mother when I call...what in the world would we talk about, we don't have phone conversations - we spend time together in person, on the couch, laughing, usually at each other...it's who we are.

I could not handle my children changing.  They each bring a different ingredient to my life, and if one of them altered their personal additive, our family pie wouldn't be the blue ribbon quality that it is.  I depend on my son challenging my flexibility and keeping my heart rate up with his overactive personality.  I actually enjoy debating with my incredibly stubborn, too big for their britches,  know it all daughters, I hope they never stop asking "why?" and continue fighting for what they want. 

If my Fiancé changed, I would be in big trouble, for I am certain that not many men would have the patience for all that I exude.  He has to be the "fun parent", good cop, the level headed dude in public places, I count on him to pick up my slack.  He is not perfect, yet perfect for me.

Instead of changing, I hope we can all figure out how to be the best us. I wish everyone success, good fortune and prosperity all while being YOU.

I have many goals, but none of them include changing me, if anything I hope to get back to who I truly am. 

In 2014, I will laugh more, and try to share laughter with others, as that is a part of who I am, silly, fun and sometimes inappropriate. I plan on being more productive with my passions, and not allow anger, jealousy or insecurity to fuel my decisions. I plan on helping others while staying true to myself, and my beliefs.  I will be more empathetic, a better listener, and find that patience that I know I have - these are things that I can do, all while staying the same old me.

I will do my best to let go of what I am not, and embrace who I am.  It is a new year, but it does not have to be a new us, as there is so much greatness that already exists in all of us.

Happy New Year!

Buy some happiness

Imagine your child is sick.  Some of you may not have to imagine.  Only once, briefly, I experienced having a sick child.  My son Jacob was in the hospital for a week, he had a raging fever and no other symptoms.  He was barely 2 years old, and unable to comprehend why he was in a small room, unable to interact with anyone other than the masked staff who poked and prodded at him.  It was scary for me, and I am sure even more terrifying for him.

My son got better, life went on.  My children are all healthy and even the common cold seems to come around less often.

Our biggest complaint as parents seems to have to do with feeling overwhelmed, with work, school, activities and whatever else occupies our time. Children are challenging and most of time oblivious to the hurdles that we face in our daily lives.

Now, as I said before imagine your child is sick.  Really sick.  Not the cold and sneeze kind of sick, but the live in a hospital kind of sick.

I would assume that you would be less overwhelmed by work, school and activities.  Those things would no longer exist.   You would be consumed by one thing, getting your child better.  What if that wasn't possible?  What would be your next wish for your child?  Happiness.  Oblivion, the idea that what was really happening, wasn't.

You may think I'm a jerk for bringing this up. Its uncomfortable.  Why would anyone want to think about their child being sick?  Any child being sick for that matter.

I'm talking about this because of my amazing brother, James.  Luckily he is not sick, however he works at a place whose mission is to give sick children the opportunity to enjoy life, The Hole in the Wall Gang Camp is an amazing place that every sick child deserves to experience.

My brother first told me about this place this past summer on a camping trip.  He was excited and proud of what he was doing.  Anyone who knows my brother James, knows that he works best with children.  He's funny, daring, brave, and can literally imitate almost any television or movie character to a T!   Listening to him talk about The Whole in the Wall Gang Camp was exhilarating, it sounded like a genuinely enjoyable place and for a moment I forgot about why the children were there, or at least what was wrong with the children there. My brother didn't talk about how sick they were, he spoke about their unique personalities, their normal child like behavior, their off the wall antics, and without saying it his love for them. 

I have thought about my brothers job off and on for a few months.  When anybody asks about him, I reel in the opportunity to speak highly of his position.  Ironically he and I usually tend to give each other a pretty hard time.  Mostly because I'm cooler than him.  Regardless, I am beyond words proud of him.

James is now trying to raise money for The Hole in the Wall Gang Camp via running in the
Boston Marathon  next year.  I donated a small amount towards his cause.  I know it isn't enough, and this has weighed heavy on me for days.

This morning when I walked my son Jacob to his classroom I noticed the lights were off.  I went to the room next door and a woman inside said that Jacobs teacher was out sick, she would be substituting.  I have never seen this woman before.  She wasn't as warm as Jacob's usual teacher, and her voice was a bit harsh.  I felt like she was rushing me out of the room.  My brother James had mailed "Hole in the Wall Camp" stickers and all of my kids wanted to wear one to school today, even Jacob.  The teacher looked down at Jacob's shirt and asked what the sticker was for.  I began to explain that my brother worked at a camp for seriously ill children.  She nonchalantly said  "Oh we do a fundraiser every year for my son who died of cancer".   I was speechless.  I immediately felt horrible that I misread her, I of course have no idea when her son died but my heart still hurt for her as if it just happened.  I immediately wondered if he had moments of happiness while he was sick.  I literally cannot stop thinking about The Whole in the Wall Gang Camp.

The first thing that came to mind was to blog about it...this isn't my typical "mommy post" but it is by far the most important one I have ever written.

So here is my plea, if you have a healthy child, or know a healthy child please donate to my brothers cause.  http://www.crowdrise.com/teamholeinthewallboston/fundraiser/jamessibelle

If you have a sick child or know a sick child I hope that they will be able to benefit from this wonderful place.

Sometimes the best medicine is happiness, and in this case your donation can buy some more than deserving children that much needed happiness.


Thank you for reading, and I hope you will share this with others.

Its not that difficult...

Why does everything seem so difficult lately?  Things that should be simple, and enjoyable instead are impossible and exhausting! 

My children's school for example, has become a very annoying member of our family, constantly craving time, attention and money!  Hours of homework for my elementary aged children, forms that require signatures, requests for donations and volunteering, its never ending. This school year they stopped recognizing the "terrific" students, for lack of funding.  The school is asking for supporters to send in checks to pay for the cake, bumper stickers and pencils required for such an assembly.  Whatever happened to a verbal recognition, that would only cost...free. 

If you are brave enough to take on school (which is already a full time job) AND outside activities you already know how hard this has become.  My girls are in cheerleading...not the super competitive cheerleading, just a local team, but its a BIG deal!  Practice 3 times a week, games all day Saturday, competitions, more volunteering, and of course donations - you aren't living if you aren't giving your money away. 

The expectations brought on by this world are demanding and often not realistic.

My daughter wanted me to buy her teacher a gift for her birthday the other day. I said no, for more than one reason.  The first being, she asked me with less than 24 hours notice, the second reason was that I have 5 children who each have at least 2 teachers...that's a lot of gifts but I mostly said no because I think her teacher would have appreciated a home made card or a nice letter just as much as a store bought gift.  I suggested this idea to my daughter who of course cried, and I thought about how if I was more organized and she had less siblings she wouldn't be facing this crises.  I know she was also disappointed because I am sure that some of her friends will have brought in a beautifully purchased present.  I don't want my children to think that what they have to offer isn't enough.  She ended up making a card and I found a cat pin in my purse (it was brand new...what, you don't keep cat pins in your purse?).  Her teacher loved the thought and my daughter didn't die.  The point of my story is not that I am against buying presents its that, even my 9 year old feels the pressure of a birthday, because birthdays have become less about the birth and more about the party, gifts and treats. 

Weddings have turned into major events, with very little emphasis on the marriage.  I myself have been avoiding planning my own wedding for this exact reason. 

Life has become over complicated, and although I want my children to be challenged, pushed and even slightly competitive, I do not want them to feel like they have to be the best or have the best all the time. 

I have fallen a victim to it myself, I sometimes try to keep up...but sometimes, I just cant.

The only way we will prevent our children from growing up into an even more demanding society than we currently live in, is if we start demanding less from one another...its not that difficult.

Facebreak

Not sure if anyone has noticed but I haven't been on FB in a while...or as my fiancé refers to it "Fakebook"

I needed a facebreak for a while, and to be honest I haven't missed a lot of things about facebook.

I do not miss the selfies, the ecard that circles everyone's page just with a different picture and color, the TMI (NO ONE cares that you are in the bathroom at church), the NEI (not enough info...you know the old "tomorrow is the day..." post that leaves you worrying, and wondering what the hell is happening tomorrow??).  I also do not miss the BS, that person who posts that they have the "best hubby ever!" while you are well aware of the fact that they are on the verge of a separation, or the person only posts pictures that depict a perfect image of their spotless home, flawless family, or amazing DIY project, because everything looks better via instagram.

I do miss the pictures of family, and friends that I have lost contact with.  I miss the uplifting posts about people who you truly know are happy.  I miss the relatable posts, that make you laugh, tear up or even jog a memory. 

I miss being in the loop, because facebook has become our societys main source of contact, it has become all consuming and almost a full time job for some.  Posting that you are expecting a child, getting married, moving, or have lost a loved one is the norm,  I have been guilty of doing it myself.  These days, calling someone would be "weird".  I would rather be weird...I enjoy a phone call...but I guess the times are a changin' and so must I. 

Facebook has become an essential part of this crazy world, like electricity and transportation - without we are in the dark and left behind.

So like a weak schoolgirl, I'm caving and willing to give facebook another shot.

Like most relationships that hit a bump in the road...I have learned what makes me happy, and what does not and as I move forward with facebook I will focus on the positive.  I will stalk my brother and sister-in-laws pages to see pictures of my adorable nephew and read posts about how perfect he is (seriously...he is perfect, not BSing).  I will laugh at my two other brothers ridiculously funny mishaps and be jealous of their fascinating life experiences.  I will not post life altering decisions or events, instead I will call those who actually may care to know and than later decide if I want to share my scoop with the rest of the world to be critiqued and judged.  I will ignore the things that don't deserve a like, comment or share and I will not become consumed by other peoples lives. 

New blog :)

Hi!  I decided to create a whole new blog, all about blended families!  I hope you will check it out and share it with anyone who you may know that is in a situation similar to mine :)  Here's the link!
http://blendedandmended.blogspot.com/

No time for boredom

I only like coming on here when I have something worth telling, no one likes reading a boring blog...some people don't even like reading an exciting blog.  This blog is neither, its just my life.

Last week my life went from semi hectic to full blown NUTS.  Four girls in elementary school and a toddler in preschool will keep you on your toes!  On top of trying to work because you think its what's best for you, staying busy...because 5 children, a new house and a fiancé isn't enough work.

For anyone that doesn't know me, I am extremely organized, always timely and have the patience of a saint. For those that do know me, you know that was all a huge lie.  School started Tuesday, I started my back to school shopping on Monday night - at midnight.  My children have had cheerleading practice 4 times this week, yet I have somehow managed to be late 5 separate times.  I also decided that riding our bikes to school this year would be awesome...clearly I do not know what awesome means.

Every day this week that we have rode our bikes, someone has fallen off.  One of my daughters managed to break the peddle off of her bike...she now jogs swiftly behind us for a mile and a half on the way to school. 

My life scares other people.  Imagine how I feel.

The good news is that my children have made me aware that they will have no more than one child each, at least I am teaching them a sense of responsibility.

I literally want to be bored sometimes, however I'm sure it would be interrupted by someone asking for a snack or telling me they need to go to the bathroom...or if I were bored IN the bathroom, someone would walk in and ask a mind blowing question.

That's what kids do, keep us "un-bored".  Sometimes when I'm listening to sad music in the car, intentionally trying to make myself cry just to be sure I still have feelings...I think "By God I will miss my little sugar plums when they leave me one day...I am going to be bored as hell without them."

Hopefully one will still like me enough to stick around and keep me busy :)

Never a good time

I haven't been around here in almost 6 months.  Things change a lot in 6 months, but one thing stays the same...there is never a "good time" for anything.  I've thought about writing, jotted down some ideas, and even added blogging to my to-do list, which is actually much more of a to-didn't list.

I love writing, and blogging in particular tickles my fancy.  Blogging is me time, yet it is almost never a good time to blog, even now is a horrible time - I'm exhausted, its late, and I should be sleeping.  In the morning, I should be getting things done around my house.  Once the kids get home from school they require my full attention - which coming from a mom with ADHD, I'm already kind of ripping them off.  At night, I'm beat...but putting off something that I enjoy, makes me disappointed in myself.  Its never a good time for anything, until you just do it.

So here goes...I'm very tired and this post may suck but I am MAKING time for it.

3 big things that have happened in the past 6 months...we finally moved into our house and are official home owners (for the first time), we started a business and got engaged.

I'm extremely happy with my life.  For the first time I don't want to see what is on the other side of the fence, because I feel more than confident that the grass isn't greener, which is actually a little intimidating.  Not that "this is it" but now that I am here, where I have always wanted to be, I want to savor it.   It sounds easy, as easy as making time for things.

So there is my newest goal, making time...and savoring it. Except cleaning, I am not making time nor savoring that. 

Well I am starting to crash, but I am glad that I got this post out - I already feel motivated.  In fact, I am going to go make the time to get some rest, and savor it!

Good night.

BLOG HOP!

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                                                                      Welcome to Tuesday's Tea Party!!!

We all know blog hops are a great way to gain more followers, meet other bloggers and help each other out. 

The Blogger: But I don't want to go among mad people.
 Alice: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
 The Blogger: How do you know I'm mad?
 Alice: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

Meet the daydreaming host: 
Adventure Into Domesticland
 
and this weeks simply mad co-hosts: 
Funny Postpartum Lady
Busymee 

CLICK THE PICTURE BELOW TO LINK UP

 

memorable moments

Our family spent Thanksgiving in a hotel this year, a first for all of us.  Two of our daughters were in a cheerleading competition the Friday after turkey day, which required them to be awake and functioning at an illogical hour - so instead of getting up way too early and driving the morning of the competition,  we decided to use the opportunity to make a mini vacation.

We haven't taken a lot of family trips, mostly because of our schedules being already slam packed - oh and that fact that we have too many children to ever take advantage of family deals, yet not enough to qualify for a  group discount.

Also, traveling with 5 children is  a lot of work...unless you have 6 children, then its a piece of cake - or if you have multiple nannies, and your own tour bus...that sounds awesome.  Unfortunately we don't have either of those things, all we have is a van, with a tiny TV (that is NOT a TV, its a DVD player...which means I cannot "change the channel" - so stop asking kids!) and a broken remote control.

This time it seemed appropriate to take the children - I was going regardless, the discounted rate at the hotel was undeniable.  After all, it was their competition not mine (I was told this several time when trying to practice with them...) so I guess they had to come.  Oh yeah, and it was thanksgiving.

We made reservations at a shmancy fancy restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner, invited both grandmothers and had a few other surprises planned. 

I spent entirely too much time doing an AWFUL job packing the morning that we were scheduled to leave for our vaca...I think I had convinced myself that there would be a closet full of new clothes at the hotel - because I barely packed enough clean underwear for everyone.

We hit the road by noon Wednesday and made it to the hotel not too shortly after that.  The hotel, actually a resort,  was beautiful, 4 pools, several places to eat, 2 lobbies (which still doesn't make sense to me) , an arcade!! It really was fantastic.

The first thing my kids had to do was go swimming.  Regardless of the fact that it was 50 degrees outside.  Their dad took them down stairs, while I did all the guests a favor by not putting my bikini on.  I watched them through the window from the room, jumping into the pool and then running to the hot tub. They spent a good amount of time down there.  When they came back up, one of my girls had a huge gash on her nose.  I asked what happened, she said, that she had her eyes closed and didn't realize how shallow the pool was, scraping her face against the floor - ouch...and eww.  She had a competition the next day - hopefully they didn't take points off for appearance.

That night we decided to go downtown for dinner.  There is a permanant production of cirque du soleil in that area, which I had seen 10 years earlier when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter.  James surprised all of us by purchasing tickets to see the show while we were there.

While watching the show, I couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic.  My oldest sat a row in front of me with my mom and her two sisters, my son and youngest daughter were on either side of me.  I watched my children more than the stage.  I loved seeing their faces light up, the seriousness of their brow line, and the whispers of surprise and amazement.  I too felt those feelings, but for them.  It overwhelmed me to think of myself sitting their 10 years earlier and being at the end of my childhood- only 18 at the time.  Now as I sat there with my children, I felt the same joy, through them, and five times more significant. 

After we left, I asked the kids what they thought, they told me their favorite parts and how their grandma kept telling them to "listen to the music" - which they were trying to do...but she kept interrupting.  We laughed...and it felt wonderful to share that moment with them.

The next day, we had Thanksgiving dinner at a resturaunt not intended for children, after removing the 16 glasses and 8 steak knives from the table, my brood was on their best behavior. The food was delicious, and the service top notch.  It was another experience that I hoped my children would later appreciate.

On Friday the girls had their competition, which lasted 5 hours...no no they didn't cheer for 5 hours, their actual performance was literally two and a half minutes - however awards are at the END of the competition.  It was a long day.  They didn't place in the top five, which I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little relieved for cheerleading season to officially be over now.

One of my girls took it pretty hard, luckily we had another surprise planned for that night, which would hopefully take her mind off of the loss.

My son's birthday was the week before and we decided to celebrate it on our trip. 

We had made reservations to a pirate dinner show (our family really likes to eat...and my son likes pirates...win win).  James purchased the "VIP" package for us that night, which included front row seats, interaction with the pirates, and special attention for the birthday boy.

When we arrived to dinner, we were swept away to a private room, filled with appetizers, a bar and a pirate who mingled with us.  It was very "VIPish".  James was asked to volunteer for the pre-dinner show, and was lead backstage.  As the pre-dinner show started, we all waited with cameras out for his big debut...but he never came out.  Even as we were walking into the dining room for dinner, he was M.I.A.  A server lead us to our seat, less James.  The server sat the children and their grandmothers front and center, and then showed me to my seat...away from the family!  I was livid...James was still missing.   Finally James appeared at the table, explaining that they had forgotten about him backstage, hence not including him in the show.  That was strike two...I was furious.  We got up to speak with the manager, and explained how they had separated our family - to the point that I could not even see my children, and kept James backstage for 30 minutes, missing out on part of the experience.  The manager was very apologetic, bought us a round, moved us closer together and ended up refunding half of our money.

The show starts,  I feel a lot better now, being able to at least see my children's faces.  The show is really bad....they tried tying Christmas in with pirates, with a horrible plot about a magical treasure chest and there was this female elf - Pixy, who was...well..."talented", she climbed the ropes with no hands...I'm pretty sure, her sole purpose was to entertain the dads in the audience.  As James and I are making innaproraite jokes, I look to see my children's reactions...they are completely enthralled.  They are all wearing pirate hates and the girls are singing pirate songs, my son is pointing at the ship and making gestures about going up on the stage.

Dinner is served next.  There is a woman with a cart dishing out steak, green beans and carrots.  When I say one of the grossest meals I have ever eaten, I am not exaggerating.   It was that bad.  My kids ate it all up, hoping for dessert and wishing to be part of the show.  Their wish was soon granted as a pirate came over and ushered them all up a ramp onto the prop ship. My son needed a little pep talk from his daddy, but once he was told that it was OK, he ran after his sisters, up the ramp as well.   They were given another opportunity later in the show to go on stage, and this time no pep talk was needed.

After dinner,  my son was presented with a "real" pirate hat and a birthday cake - which was rock solid frozen..and it wasn't icecream cake....he mostly licked it.

When the show was over, we had the opportunity to take pictures with the cast, which included santa...weird, yes...exciting for my kids though.  We then went into another room with a DJ, where we did the chacha slide, and someone stole my sons hat off of his head...don't worry though, we got him a new one.

Overall the night was, strange.  I personally would never recommend the place to anyone, but if you asked my kids, it was the highlight of their vacation.

Forget the 5 star resort we stayed at, the once in a life time restaurant, or the multi-million dollar - world famous cirque du soleil act that we took them too.  Their favorite moment was being on a pirate ship, and taking a picture with (a very poor attempt at) some guy dressed as santa.  And swimming....regardless of any injury, swimming is always thoroughly enjoyed.

Kids don't know better..for their own good.  They enjoy things that are worth enjoying,  and can't really appreciate a dollar amount.  We try to provide them with great stuff, when all they need is great moments. I am sure they will look back when they are older and say "wow we did some nice things", but more importantly they found the fun in the less nice, the less luxurious, and the company in which they had.  I am proud of my children, and a little disappointed in myself.  For a moment, I forgot that it isn't what we do, it's who we do it with, that makes a moment magical.

I hope you all made memories this Thanksgiving!

If you enjoyed my blog - please take a moment to vote for it.  You can vote once a day, and feel free to encourage your friends to vote too - or you could all get together and vote...that would be special :)  Just CLICK THE ICON BELOW and find BUSYMEE on the list Thanks!!

Looking back, and moving forward

Tomorrow my son will turn 3.  My life has changed tremendously since getting pregnant with my my little guy.

A little over 4 years ago, I was a single mom, with one daughter...a different kind of mom.

I balanced things such as school, work,  and motherhood, and somehow still managed a social life.  I had been raising my daughter with the help of my family, for 5 years.  I embraced being a young, single mother...I loved it.  I loved being the "boss"....and knew that whatever I thought was in her best interest, was the path that we would take.  One on one time was our normal daily conversations, riding in the car or bath time, it wasn't something that was sought after, it was just there.

I met James over the holidays in 2008.  I was ready for a serious relationship, but I had no idea how serious we were about to get.

I still remember telling my friends that he was a widower with 3 little girls, and their jaws hitting the floor.  I had a "back up" plan for our first date, a party that a friend had invited me to, but we got along so well - with the help of a few "adult beverages"- that I invited him to the party with me.

 The next few months flew by, we introduced the children, faster than I ever imagined I would be doing so. All the girls got along, and it felt like every second we were all spending time as a "family".

When we found out that I was pregnant, we officially merged as one family.

It was my first time living on my own, away from my parents.

It was my daughters first real big change in 5 years.

The first year was so hard.  I missed the parent I used to be.  I wasn't the "boss" anymore, it wasn't just what I thought was right, it was what "we" thought was right.  My "young" daughter was now the oldest of 4 girls, and I had a difficult time grasping why they weren't all on the same page.   I had grown each year and learned to adapt to my daughters age, now I also had a 2,3, and 4 year old to adapt to. 

Being pregnant was harder than the first time, and with 4 kids in tow, it was beyond exhausting.

When my son was born, he was that missing piece of pie...he completed us.

The next year was even harder than the first, the baby got all of my attention, I had to protect him from the others...there were so many hands that wanted to touch, tickle and hold him.  He was (and still is) a very loved little boy.

We moved two more times from the time I got pregnant until my son was 2, the girls switched schools, and we went through a lot as a family.

I used to feel really bad, like I had lost who I used to be...so many things were changing, including me.

In  this last year, I have realized that while things have changed, it hasn't been a bad thing.  I have grown, and as my family grows we all change.

My one on one time with my first daughter, may not be as frequent, but it is still there, and cherished more than before.  I am a stay at home mom now, and though there are days that I wish I could go somewhere and interact with other adults, and have a reason to put on real clothes, I know that I am very lucky to be home with my children.

My priorities have changed,  I am a different mom.  I have lost some of who I used to be, but have gained so much more along the way.

The upcoming birthday of my son has shed so much light on my life now.  I still cannot believe I have 5 children.  My attention is shifting from the "baby" to my school aged children, and as each child goes through a different phase, so will I. 

I feel like my feet are finally planted, I am not spending so much time trying to plant my roots, and I can finally grow into who I am supposed to be.    

So while I am sad to see my son grow another year, become less of a baby and more of a child, I am so excited for his future, my future and my families future. 


If you enjoyed reading this post, please check out some of the others on my blog :)
I am currently in a contest for the top 25 family blogs - I would really appreciate your Vote.  Please click the button and find my blog BUSYMEE on the list! Thanks!

K5 Learning - Review Opportunity

My kids are out of school for the next week....what to do...then I remembered that I was given an opportunity to review an online reading and math program!

My children are really good students, but with the long commute to and from school, and all the extra activities that we are involved in, we sometimes miss out on the extra enrichment.

The computer and ipad are a hot commodity in our house, and it is kind of an unspoken rule that they are only to be used for learning purposes...if they get caught using it for something else, it then becomes another person's turn.

I am excited to try out K5 learning, and see how it compares to some of the other websites and apps that our family already uses, I will try to update you along the way and give my full, honest review at the end of my 6 week trial.


K5 Learning has an online reading and math program for kindergarten to grade 5 students.  I've been given a 6 week free trial to test and write a review of their program.  If you are a blogger, you may want to check out their  open invitation to write an online learning review of their program. 

Life IS fair.

November is the time of year that most of us count our blessings, say what we are thankful for and try a little harder to appreciate the hand that we were dealt - or the cards that we were fortunate to not have been given.

We are more aware of our health, our home, our family and our friends.

Facebook is full of "gratitude", store isles feel more friendly and the public has an eagerness to give.

On thanksgiving we say thanks for a meal that is hot, huge and mostly very tasty!

 November, is personally the beginning of my favorite time of the year.

I love the next few months that follow, we have several family birthdays in those months as well as Christmas and a new year, with new opportunities.

I wish the feelings that were created by the holidays stayed within people all year round, but unfortunately we tend to go back to our usual ways by the time February rolls around.

This year has taught me more about myself, my family and life in general than any other years of my being.  I have been so thankful in the past few weeks, even as things have not been easy, made sense or felt "broken". 

This time last year, I was sad, lonely and confused.  I couldn't understand why my life was the way it had become.  I felt as though I had made the best decisions, but was facing the worst consequences.  If someone had told me that things would be OK, I would say no they would not.  If I had been shown a glimpse into my future that is now, I would think the wrong tape was rolling.

I have a tendency to think things are unfair, and that has shielded me from seeing the beauty in things that only happen as a result of something else.  I am thankful for the good that comes out of even the worst situations.


When my daughter was born, I thought it was unfair that she had no father.

As a result, my parents were extremely involved in her life, as well as mine.  Not having a father for the first few years of her life, provided us with an overwhelming amount of support from family and friends and to an extent, she became "everyone's child".

I think it is unfair that My 3 "step" daughters (I am only using the word step for story telling purposes)
lost their mother - and even though I never met her, I think its unfair that she passed away.

Although I would never want anyone to be lost or lose someone they that love, this woman created 3 beautiful children that I now get to be a part of.  I will forever be grateful to her for that.

When my relationship hit rock bottom, I thought it was unfair that we couldn't be happy together.
Without going through the things that we did, we wouldn't be able to be as strong as we are today.  Our love is more true than it has ever been, and we have a better appreciation for one another that we wouldn't have had without overcoming the obstacles that we did.

Recently, I have felt that it is unfair that we have not been granted the home, which we built.  The home that we put a lot of time and emotion into.  However, we have a home, a place to lay our heads, food in the fridge and family to love - and that is more than some can say.  Throughout the whole moving - or not moving process, our family has learned the importance of patience and being thankful for whatever you are able to have.  The emotional ups and downs of working with the builder, the mortgage company  and the school, has brought James and I closer, and has helped us learn to pick one another up.

I could give many examples of things that feel undeserved, I am sure we all have an equal amount of "why me?" moments in our life.

While I am thankful for the obvious, the things that go without saying, I am also thankful for the unknown, the unexpected and the unexplained.

After the holidays pass, I don't want to lose this feeling, I want to be as thankful in March, July or September, as I am right now.

Remember without rain, we would have no water, so be thankful always, even when life seems unfair.

Dog Days...

My worst behaved child is extremely hairy and pees in public...

Yes my 6th child, a dog, Duke, is the one who causes me the most grief.

For all of you who thought that I allowed my hairiest (human) child to pee in public...I'm classier than you assumed aren't I...and you know what they say about assuming...

If you aren't aware of my furry little monsters misbehavior's, you can read about them here  and here.

Duke likes to run around the neighborhood, the neighbors however do not like this.  A few months ago Duke got out...AGAIN...this time, the neighbor cried like a little baby....actually the neighbor screamed profanities at me, while I cried like a little baby. He claimed that Duke was being aggressive, if by aggressive he meant growling at him, then yes he was being aggressive.

Duke has never bit anyone, but I can see how he may be considered "scary".

I am scared of him, because he enjoys eating my shoes - and that frightens me...only a sick monster would enjoy destroying shoes..and leather ones at that!

The day after Dukes stroll around the neighborhood, I got a knock on my door from animal services.  The neighbor was pressing charges.  $700 in fines...that's more than I spent on back to school shopping for my kids!! If I complied with the courts requests, dog training, install a micro chip, and go "downtown" to watch a movie (I have a feeling popcorn and soda will not be provided), my fines would be less...but just so we are clear all of those things cost about double what the fines were originally.

This couldn't be real.  Doggy court? Was the judge going to be a k-9?

I kept thinking that I was too young to be dealing with this...I haven't even had time to rehearse the speech... "Duke, I'm not mad, I am just so disappointed in you...(silent stare)....(BIG sigh)...."

So we did what any good owners would do...we put Duke for sale on craigslist...

OK NOT really...we friggen hired a dog attorney.  NO JOKE.

I can hear it now, every time one of my kids gets in trouble..."MOM, you got the dog a lawyer, can't you just hire one for me!...ughh I knew you liked him more than me!"

In our defense, she was extremely affordable and was able to handle all the paperwork for us.

That was a horrible defense...please send any further questions to my attorney.

We also got Duke trained, which was entirely too expensive and lasted for about 3 minutes...we were informed that he is not aggressive but HIGHLY distracted, I have no idea where he gets that from.

This all happened a while ago, and frankly I forgot about the whole situation...

But I was reminded today.

Duke's lawyer called...wow that sounds rediculous.

I have to be in court this Wednesday, at 9 am, for my DOG!

I have yet to have him micro chipped, nor have I watched the movie about aggressive behaviors in animals...so tomorrow will be a day dedicated to getting those things done.

I would take temper tantrums, and dirty diapers over court any day...Duke has really done it this time.

He is family though, and hopefully the next time he has the urge to eat a pair of my favorite heels, he will remember who had his furry little back...

 

I hope you enjoyed reading about my busy - sometimes hard to believe life. If you enjoy my blog please vote for it (daily) in the circle of mom's top 25 contest

do unto others...

"If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all", remember this being told to you as a child?  I know this implies to the way we treat others, but I also feel this way about my life right now...not all of it, just a small part that is taking up way too much of my time and energy.

I don't like to write when I am upset.

I don't like to complain about the same issue over and over.

And I  especially don't like when there is no solution to a problem....

I have not said much lately because of these reasons.

Well here goes, I am going to say something that may not be "nice".

I am angry, sad, disappointed, hopeless, defeated, and NOT OK with how things have turned out.

My family and I have been through more than most in the last few years, my children have learned to adjust to situations that are out of their control and have been resilient in doing so.  We have been patient, understanding and optimistic.

About 7 months ago we decided to build a home, and relocate the children to the school that was closest to that future home. We also signed the girls up for cheerleading, in an effort to make friends before the school year started.

During the building process we visited the home every day, purchased furniture to compliment the setting, allowed our children to "call dibs" on their favorite room, and received quotes for paint, and custom built ins.  We were building our dream house.

Dreams, are just that...a dream...at some point, you wake up. 

We are slowly waking up, and finding out that we may have to look for a new home.

We have done everything we can, I wont get into specifics, mostly because what I am angry about involves my personal specifics being shared with others in a hurtful way.

As you can imagine, our family is devastated, and we are now faced with the challenge of making sure that we can move closer to the school that our children now attend.

Yesterday afternoon, while stuck in traffic, 30 minutes late for picking up my children from school, I received a phone call from the principle of their school.

I assumed this would be a phone call regarding my tardiness, which I did make the office aware of, so I immediately told her that I was only a few minutes away.

It wasn't about that...it was about my children being enrolled in a school that we are not zoned for.  She "heard" that we had not closed on our home yet.  She informed us that "people gossip" and schools are already over crowded, she could not have children whom were not in her district taking up classroom space.

THIS is what I am angry about.  I can handle finding a new home, I can handle driving 45 minutes each way to my children's school, I can handle living out of boxes because half of our home is packed up, I can even handle the humiliation of people thinking that our house was never "our house".

I cannot handle people saying things with a purpose of hurting my family, while we are already hurt, while we are already aware that we have to fix the problem.

I cried when I received that phone call, James was so angry, and spoke to the principle for almost 45 minutes.  My heart broke into a million pieces because I do not want my children to be affected any more than they already are, by the things we are dealing with.  At the end of all the talking, our children will be able to stay in this school until we find a home.

I want to say to whomever felt the need to share that information, whatever your intent was, shame on you.  Shame on you for trying to hurt a child, and an entire family for no other reason than to be "gossipy". 

I was asked, by the principle, how I would feel, as a parent, if my children were being affected by the overcrowded classrooms because of students who did not belong in a specific district.  I was told "I must understand where a parent like that was coming".  NO, I do not. My kindergartner had to switch classes in the first few weeks of school because of overcrowding, she is doing great, excellent actually.  My children are affected by the overcrowding, and I can promise you some of the children who do not live within the district, will never live within the district. 

We have been honest with the school from day one, they have a copy of our contract, and are well aware that we do not live in the area yet.

"Over crowding costs the district thousands of dollars", I was told.  So does driving almost 50 miles a day to get to a school that will be in our district in the very near future. 

I just cannot understand how getting my children out of a school while we work out the kinks of relocating, to then re enroll them in the same district, will benefit the parent who felt the need to share this information in an attempt to have us removed.

I am so angry...I do not usually write when I am angry, but this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

As always though, I have learned something significant from this whole experience, two things really  First off, be careful who you share things with, even if what you are sharing is not wrong, inappropriate or unjust, because people can always find a way to turn things around.  Secondly, family is what makes your home, a school, a house, a whole community can be taken from you, but if you nurture your family, it will continue to grow strong. 

Our children are doing so well academically, socially and emotionally and my relationship with my partner is stronger than ever.  We are teaching our children about compromise, and that it is possible to find the good in each situation.  This school year James has driven the girls to school every day, this is the first year that we have had to drive, we previously walked.  He listens to disney radio with them (and has memorized and obscene amount of kids songs), treats them to breakfast sometimes and makes sure that they are always on time.  He has bonded with them a lot over the past few months.   I see the joy that this time has brought all of them, it is time that they will look back on and be thankful for, they won't remember the early wake up calls, or stop and go traffic. 

My family will be OK, I will not allow a house, gossip or circumstance to bring us down, but I had to get all of this off of my chest.

My compassion for others has grown immensely,  and I will always look back at this time in my life to remind myself that we need to treat others with the same understanding, that we expect.

My first giveway!

I recently had the opportunity to review a children's book by author Saragine Francois, and was also provided a copy of the book to give away to one of my readers :)

"Diamond's Lucky Penny" encourages children to find the "lucky" in every day mishaps. Although Diamond gets himself into a few dilemmas, with the help of a special penny he is able to see the positive out of each situation. This is a good read for young children, and reminds them that things aren't always as bad as they seem. 


Simply leave the comment "Lucky" in the comments section of this post and you will be entered to win a copy of this book!

Good luck!

Ends 10/26/12