Do as I say....you know the rest...

I am constantly telling my children "don't do that"....although I myself have and continue to do that. Yesterday I broke a glass bottle in the kitchen while cooking, which I blame on my 21 month old...yes I am blaming a baby...he is highly distracting and is frequently the cause of my clumsiness...cute and well worth it though. I immediately rushed the children out of the kitchen and did a quick sweep. However, as anyone who has broken anything knows, particles of that broken object will show up for months to come. Through out the rest of the day I would scream at my children whenever they entered the kitchen barefoot. (which may have caused severe psychological damage...I am sure at least 2 of them are convinced that broken glass in your foot WILL KILL YOU). I had to remind them several times to put shoes on and at one point I completely banned them from the kitchen...which made dinner very awkward. I Kept thinking to myself "do they want to get hurt? why cant they just listen? Am I even speaking English???".

Then it happened...a sharp pierce and rush of pain through my entire foot. Yup. I was barefoot...in the kitchen. Stepped on glass. Dumb. Very dumb. But so typical.

So although it hurt...and my children will feel so much smarter than me..once again. I at least proved my point.

Just as I tell them to eat healthy, as I sneak dessert after dinner, and force them to play outside on days that I have sat on the couch...there is a reason behind my madness. When you are older it's harder to make the better choice, its easy to be lazy, and there is nobody to tell you what to do.

So even if only half of the things that I drill into them stick, they will make only half of the mistakes that I have.

Friend or Friends...more than a number

Well I've lived in Tampa for about a year now and I have yet to really make any friends. Unless you consider the crossing guard, my daughters teacher (who has emailed me more times than most of my family members...and it wasn't because my child made student of the year) or the handyman who has been less than pleased to receive my phone calls.

My kids on the other hand have more friends than I can keep track of. Our house is on a corner, and the closest one to the school so everyone knows where we live. They have friends from school, karate, dance, the walk home, the grocery store...everywhere. Children form instant bonds, with only one primary goal...to have fun! Friendship is so much more complex for adults. We have to have the same interests, similar life styles, and for woman there is so much judgement involved. Guys are kind of like kids...they just want to have fun. For them its easy...have you ever heard a guy say "Can you believe what Bill wore to the BBQ??". Usually, guys don't need the support that women look for in a friendship either, they just want a buddy to have fun with.

I am lucky to have a great group of friends, unfortunately they live about 4 hours away. I have known them all for a long time, and each of our friendships are unique. I trust them, I respect them and I appreciate them. I want to build strong relationships like that here, but it has been so much harder than I expected.

Once you become a mother all of a sudden your friendships revolve around your children, and if you are social like me you desperately hope to have things in common with your kids friends mothers...yes I said desperately. I often get looks of sympathy from other moms...and I think the thought of them having to be around all of my children to socialize with me is a bit terrifying...so usually they are "busy" (hanging out with another mom and their 1 or 2 children)

So for a while I had given up on the idea of having friends here...except James of course...who is a great friend, but not so keen on "girl talk", baking or sun bathing...and unlike my other friends, I am often finding myself cleaning up after him and doing his laundry.

But then recently, a miracle happened...I met a mom...MY AGE...ok a year younger...but who's keeping track. She has 3 kids...and we have a lot in common! This post is really making me sound like a loser...I'm bragging that it took me a year to make 1 friend...but the whole point is, that friendships do take a LONG time to create, and really can be over in an instant. And as we get older I think we long for more solid friendships, and seek quality over quantity.

I hope that as my children get older they appreciate their friends, and let go of the ones who are not genuine. Friendship is more than "fun"...its influential, because we really are who we surround our selves with.

back to blogging

Almost 2 months have past since my last blog. If you know one thing about me, you would not be surprised by my inconsistency. James teases me for blogging, once we got an argument and I said he was being mean, he told me to blog about it. I should have. The truth is, I just get so busy, and writing takes a clear mind, something I rarely have. Today however I am home ALONE...I even put the dog in the back yard to make myself officially the only person in the house. Jacob, Kaylee and Brooke are with their grandmother for the rest of the week and the other 2 are at camp (I cant remember their names...out of sight, out of mind..jk).

It has been a somewhat productive summer thus far, and unfortunately we are nearing the end. I took a trip to boston with Jacob to visit my sister in law, wish I could have stayed longer. Flying with a baby is awesome...oh no wait flying with a baby is TERRIBLE...he was pretty good...but in the future I will be reserving the entire back of the plane. And apparently when you request an isle seat, it means you will be given the middle seat, between two single men who have no children, nor want someone elses child touching them for 3 straight hours.

Boston is so beautiful, for a long time I wanted to live there...after visiting I have started to feel that way again. I'm just not sure about toting around 5 children via public transportation. I could just imagine one getting off the subway without me, or leaving a couple at a bus stop by accident...I do several head counts a day already and we live in a much less populated area. Jacob and I walked around the city for hours, and I was so amazed by all the children, running through the gardens, and dining at adorable little street cafe's. I imagined what it would be like to walk out of one of those pricey brownstones each day and stroll around, taking in the sights and tastes, everyday would be exciting! Too bad James sells swimming pools...I have a feeling there isn't a thriving market for that in Boston...although rooftop heated spa's may be an idea!

After the short trip, it was back to reality. The kids have been in camp, the babysitter idea didn't work out as planned, but its probably better off...and I have been in school. I actually really enjoy school, the skin care industry is very unique. Its such a positive environment, which for me is perfect. The last thing I wanted was more stress in my life, but this career path is all about less stress. When I'm working on someone I'm not thinking about my life, I'm thinking about the person I'm with, and making them feel relaxed and in turn I feel relaxed. Of course James has been "helping" by "allowing" me to practice facials and such on him...real rough life that guy has. And yes it is somewhat funny to see a 6'5" man with a face mask on. I am excited about the future, and I think for once I found something that I will really enjoy doing.

I am taking the rest of the summer off though, and will start school again in a few weeks. James and I will be going on vacation in the keys soon...without the kiddies..but don't worry they get to spend time with the grandparents..I'm sure they will come home sleep deprived and spoiled rotten.

I'm pretty happy with how my life is turning out, I couldn't have ever imagined it to be the way it is...and I now I cant imagine it any different.

Back to school blues...

So I finally started school this week. I had forgotten how hard it is to balance so much when you have children. When I met James I basically stopped everything to be home with the kids. At the time I was working full time, coaching my daughters soccer team and going to school full time, but with James being just as busy with his career, one of us had to be home. It was impossible for both of us to be that busy and make a "normal" life for the children.

The last time I was in college, I had lived at home with my parents. I worked a 9-5 job, went to school at night and came home to a sleeping child. A little different than my life now....so very different.

Monday was exciting. I had all my new supplies, (I've always been a sucker for pens, pencils, and a "Fancy" notebook) my bag was packed, and the night before I laid out my uniform like all the "cool kids" did back in the day. I was eager to learn all about my new career path, and desprately hoping to make a friend or two.

Tuesday was scary. I was 30 minutes late because I went the wrong way on the interstate. I had a test, which I passed with flying colors...yeah I'm bragging...it may be the only 100% I ever get. We jumped right in to chemistry, which was beyond difficult for my 8th grade level of intellegence to comprehend and I may have developed carpel tunnel syndrome from all of the note taking.

Wednesday was intimidating. I had to "practice" a cleansing and facial massage (which I had briefly learned the day before) on a student who had already been in class for several months. We then picked right back up where we left off in chemistry, which made my brain swell and my palms sweat. One of the administrators made a pizza fondue, which our entire school was forced to eat...together...in the cafeteria. I sat alone for about 5 minutes until a woman my mothers age invited me to sit with her and her friends...they were clearly cooler than me.

Today was exhausting. I woke up with Jacob's foot in my rib cage. In clinical we were told to let our hair grow out for body waxing next week. We practice on one another...it hurts when a professional waxes me...help. In lecture the woman next to me yelled at me because I was writing to loud...which I'm still confused about.

Between all this James has worked late almost every day this week. My 18 month old has hit the "terrible two's" early, we are having work done on the house, and I have had "stage mom" obligations.

It sounds worse than it is. I actually loved this week. It has been chaotic, productive and exciting. School is something that I have to work very hard at, and I know that what I am doing will be worth all of the hard work. I have learned about positive energy, and being thankful for what you have. I will definitly be overwhelmed and maybe even stressed out over the next several months but it will only be temporary. In the end I will have a career that will make me feel good, and allow me to help others feel good as well. I will have a sense of being, and be able to provide more for my family. In some crazy way I love the idea of being too busy. It allows less time to think about what isn't and more time to focus on what is.

In my shoes

OK my past few posts have been little deep...so I thought I would share my exciting morning with you. James made a huge mistake today, by admitting that he had no appointments or office work to catch up on. I am almost positive that he regrets it now.

Saturdays are always a little wacky because the two youngest girls have ballet (at different times) which causes a 2 hour block of waiting, and 4 trips to and from the ballet studio. I refuse to sit in a 10 X 10 waiting room with my (not even close to quiet) 4 children, 6 other mom's and multiple signs that read "absolutely no food and drink". So we usually drop off, clean the mom-van, play in the drive away, switch dancers, drive around the neighborhood searching for garage sales, grab a snack, and then pick up again. This also pushes the baby's nap back by at least an hour, and somewhat messes up the rest of his day. But it is all worth it....unless neither of them get into Juiliard...I'm not even going to think about that.

Today was MY lucky day though. First question of the morning "Honey, do you have any appointments today?"...silence...a sigh...followed by a hesitant "No..." This was as good as winning the lottery (scratch off...not Powerball).

I was suddenly excited to get out of bed. I fed the kids a healthy breakfast of cheese and doughnuts (there were also bananas and yogurt offered...I try not to be too pushy on the weekend). I then dressed the little one in her dance clothes, which took way to long, and I am pretty sure that her tights are 2 sizes too small. Next I did a search and rescue effort in my van and found her missing tap shoe...which had gum stuck to the bottom...which means there is more gum somewhere, someplace, stuck to something in my car.

Now that the kids were fed, and some were dressed, I was turning over the less enjoyable responsibilities to James. I sent him off to dance with our 4 year old, I should have made him take all the kids but just him taking one was a huge relief. Not having to pile all the kids in the car, or find 4 pair of shoes was also a nice break. I did make him come back for the second girl though, I didn't want him to get the impression that Saturdays were even slightly easy.

This is when it gets fun...

As James comes home to do the "dancer switch", he gets a small glimpse into my every day life. He walks through the door to pick up our 5 year old, the younger one is still in class, so he has to go back and pick her up when he drops her sister off. Hectic. He runs to the bathroom while I gather her dance shoes. In the mean time our dog is standing by the front door. EVERYONE in our house knows that if you open the door you have to watch for the dog...if he gets out, he will not come back. Our 5 year old, literally looks at the dog and opens the door to let him out. James is walking out of the bathroom as this is happening. He looks at our daughter and asks her why she did this...she has no answer. Now this happens to me at least 2-3 times a month. It used to be a lot more frequent. James goes chasing after the dog..he is not much of a runner..the dog on the other hand is extremely fast. I chuckle...so happy he has today off. After about 15 minutes I realize that I have to leave to pick up our daughter, James is still not back with the dog though. The baby is sleeping, one child is sick on the couch, and another is still in her jammies...and my 4 year old is at dance waiting to be picked up..10 minutes ago. I was a little panicked...I had to make a decision. I told my oldest to keep the door locked, and her dad would be back in a few minutes...I said a little prayer and the big guy was definitely listening because as I pulled out of the driveway, James came walking down the street, dragging our dog.

When I got home, he told me how he had ran out of our neighborhood, over a golf course (3 times) and through several backyards, sideyards, frontyards and driveways. He also witnessed our dog almost get hit by a car twice. He was so frustrated with not only the dog but our 5 year old who let him out as well.

Saying that I understood his frustration was an understatement. I deal with things like this and situations even worse every day. Being a mom is far from easy, and in all honesty I could never be successful at James' job. I appreciate his hard work, and ability to provide for our family. Its easier for me to recognize what he does for us, because his hard work creates tangible benefits on a daily basis. My hard work is more big picture. Hopefully after today, he appreciates me just a little more than he already did :)

Appreciate life

Its so easy to get lost in the everyday chaos of life. I don't stop and appreciate my children, my family or my life often enough. This week has been tough with everyone being sick, myself included, and this afternoon I hit a wall. In that moment, I could only see the negative, and annoying aspects of my life - yet there is so much good that goes unnoticed.

About a week ago, before I knew that my entire household would come down with the plague, I signed myself up to volunteer in my daughters class - for today. This time was intentional (there was a bouncehouse, cotton candy and snowcones involved) After putting my feelers out on the walk to school this morning (I asked if I had to still volunteer - she responded with a firm YES), I showed up(fashionably) 15 minutes late. When I arrived on the playground, my daughter greeted me with a run and a hug, and was genuinely excited to see me (I was wearing my cool young mom clothes). Over the next two hours I helped with games and cheered against whoever was not on my daughter's team (there may have been some cheating involved...) I really enjoyed being there, and I was lucky enough to have a babysitter watch the rest of the kids so I could just focus on my daughter. As I watched her interact with her classmates, I couldn't help but notice how different I was as a child. She was so calm, cool and focused. She didn't have to try, or do anything to get anyone's attention. I was much more self conscious, and awkward. I was so proud of her and for a moment puzzled. People always comment on her intelligence, disposition and overall good character...but where does that come from, I often wonder. I mean yes, I want to take full credit - but really a lot of who she is, is who I would like to be but am not.

I am proud of all my children, each for different reasons. Some days they disappoint me, and in that moment I forget how wonderful they truly are. Just as I love James, and as all relationships, when we hit a bump it feels like we are falling off a mountain.

I want to try harder to savor the great moments, appreciate the good ones, and let the bad ones pass. One of my best qualities used to be my ability to handle what life threw at me. Over time, I started asking why, instead of figuring out how.

Late nights

It's 3 am and here I am on the couch with a boy. My 1 year old. If it were a few years ago that first sentence may have been a little risque...and the couch would have belonged to my parents. Oh how times have changed. Now a "late night" for me consists of a sick child (or 3), Tylenol, and some form of complaining (usually coming from me as I am counting down the hours until the rest of the house will be requiring my full attention...on little to no sleep)

Not that James and I don't have our share of nights out, but that comes with hefty consequences, and is usually followed with movie's and "quiet time" the day after. I think my kids love when we use poor judgment on date night. Pizza, movies, and a pajama party because mommy and daddy are "sick"...winning (last time I will ever use that phrase..it just fit..it's late)

I came downstairs with my son (who was in my bed, jamming his feet into my ribs...now I know why my parents made me sleep on the floor in their room...he's skating on thin ice) so that James could get some sleep, apparently 1 year old's have no concept of time. My daughter woke me up about an hour ago, screaming my name. Conveniently, I was in the middle of having a nightmare. I went running to her, and there she was slumped over the toilet. Her sister just got over having a stomach virus, which my son now has as well and I am sure the rest of the house will get over the next week (If you're reading this, disinfect your screen immediately). The thing about germs with a family of my size, is it takes forever for them to make the rounds. Our house will be sick for 7 week increments...I'm pretty sure that doesn't happen in a family of four. The fun part is waiting for your turn to get sick. It's like watching a plane that you're in go down..you cant prevent it. And of course when the kids are sick they want to be all over me..which is a real tough call. Do I do the mom thing and risk my health, or completely ruin their childhood to avoid being as miserable as they are in a few days. I try to compromise...so I blow them air kisses.

Hopefully everyone will get better soon, if there is one thing I can't handle its a stomach flu.